Am I the only one who thinks MRI machines sound like a Daft Punk song (the Technologic video is where all nightmares are born)?  They ask if I want music or earplugs, and I choose earplugs because it makes its own music.  And fyi, it’s a very bad idea to eat sauerkraut before you have an MRI.  I didn’t know I was having one, so I wasn’t able to plan to avoid dutch oven.  The perks and curse of being married to the diagnostic imaging bossman.  I didn’t schedule my MRI before holiday break, and apparently available appointments are 3 weeks out, at a minimum.  You know me, I said fuck it.  I don’t really need it, and I don’t really feel like laying there trying not to twitch for 40 minutes.  So.  Boring.  I felt crummy when I woke up this morning, and my eyes were practically swollen shut from all of the pressure in my booger factory.  It’s the kind of day I want to lay around with my eye pillow and listen to music, but no ma’am-dude-siree-bob, I got a text from manchild which read, “MRI at 2”

“Who, me?”

“Yes, you.”

Bad timing, man.  Always bad timing.  I could be grateful he was able to get me squeezed in before the apocalypse, yet I was irritated.  I could say he’s better at adulting than I am, but I have no idea what behaviors constitute adultiness.  I’m a responsible spender, he is not.  He’s the one with a job, I’m the one who owns all of the tshirts a 12 year old would wear.  Maybe the only thing that defines adulthood is being over the age of 18.  The point is, I want to be in control of my exposure to healthcare so I can plan (procrastinate) appropriately.  Like, I dunno, not put a half pound of kraut on my baked potato to avoid ass-phyxiation.

I went, I waited, I climbed aboard and conquered.  I got my very first in-person radiologist reading by the same guy who missed my broken tibia on xray in June, granted the tibial fracture was completely obscured by edema.  Long story short, stenosis was confirmed thanks to a bulging disc and a herniated disc.  Wow, I really did slip a disc while I was on the toilet.  Awesome.

His opinion is that that problems with my legs has nothing to do with the problems in my spine, considering my hands are also involved.  The back pain feels way different…like it hurts where it’s hurt, or hurts where it hurts, then radiates downward.  Not all over the place, all of the time.  It’s the kind of pain that makes sense to me.  That doesn’t make it any more pleasant, other than the ability to actually SEE what’s causing the pain so doctors can shove their skepticism where the sun don’t shine most of the time.  Peripheral neuropathy is a bit more obscure.  I excel at vague and obscure.

6 thoughts on “Beeeeep-womp-womp-womp-womp

  1. The MRI noise always makes me feel sleepy 💤.
    I completely feel your back pain. Did they say if the bulging disk was pressing on nerves? Only ask as mine does and causes lots of leg pain.

    Liked by 2 people

    • It is, granted not quite as much as the herniated disc. There’s also a little compression on the nerve root on the left side, which is part of what causes that wonderful pain that shoots down the leg. It doesn’t hurt all of the time, thankfully. The more I’m on my feet, the more it hurts, then it’s at its absolute worse at night when I lay down. I’ve got this seat cushion that has a cutout for the tailbone (we call it a fart pillow around here), and it feels great – helps to take the pressure off.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I can only imagine the pain being caused by the herniated disk. Yep mine presses both nerve roots on either side. Likewise, the more I’m up and about the more it aggravates it. When I’d wash up, it would kill for some reason. Haha the “fart pillow ” 💨, love it! May have to invest in one 😀👍.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: I’m not a toy | Polishing Dookie

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