Say what now? Do you ever find yourself getting tired of saying, “God, that pisses me off.”? I do. Along with feeling like my mouth is on repeat after ‘fuck this’,’fuck that’,’what the fuck’, and of course ‘this fucking sucks’. Scrifly farq nergz shall remain in use until the appropriate time that more traditional exasperations can be reintroduced. Please forgive me, for I’m about to whine. A lot.
News from the land of nephropathy: I’m not a candidate for peritoneal dialysis because of my diseased intestines. Nope, that would just make life too easy. My veins are also going to be problematic since they’re tiny and tempermental, so an attempt will be made to create an AV fistula in my upper right arm, rather than fucking with my forearm which will most likely take forever to mature, or thrombose/fail. This also means that my access arm will be completely off limits for blood pressure cuffs, IV’s, and blood draws, which will upset a fair number of people, myself included. I’m supposed to have this done on the 23rd of February, and it’s an out-patient procedure done under local anesthetic and lots of valium. I don’t especially want to be awake for it, but whatever. Less risk involved that way. Expect me to be a nervous wreck the days leading up to surgery.
I followed up with my favorite doctor fella to go over my hospital labwork pertaining to nearly bleeding to death for no good reason other than that giant bag of weiners the universe likes to whack me with. So, vitamins A, K, C, and E were all within normal limits. That’s good news, right? I have what is called von Willebrand disease, which is basically a deficiency of a protein that helps clots to form and stay clotted. The good news is drugs exist that I can take on demand if I find myself in a similar situation in the future. The bad news is, did I really need another personal descriptor with the word ‘disease’ in it? I’d like to think I had plenty already. Enough is enough, yo.
Item #3 on my bitch list: On Wednesday, I fractured the cuboid bone in my right foot which is the same side that was broken before. I stepped on a wadded up hand towel that was on the floor and rolled my ankle, tripped, then caught myself with the outside of my right foot. Thanks for leaving it in the middle of my path, manchild. A little crunching, a little soreness, a little bruising. I really am a special kind of spaz. I can walk on it, but it doesn’t feel good. I have an ortho appointment next week, and until then I’ve been advised to stay off of it. Haha, yeah right. But really? Really?! I need to be surrounded with bubble wrap. This is fucking ridiculous.
Last, but certainly not least, I JUST cleared my sinus infection, only to be gifted another upper respiratory infection by dear foot-thrasher by-proxy. My head is so congested it feels like my teeth are going to pop out. Can’t breathe…skrifly farq nergz! I’m trying to get all of my follow up appointments scheduled, but afterward I get an email saying my appointment has been cancelled. THE HELL. I’ve called back three times, but I give up. I’ve had enough brain digesting phone time today. Their system is obviously broken. Or they see my name and enact the Kara avoidance protocol.
Okay, Universe, you win. UNCLE!