It’s another lovely day in the Mid-Atlantic region, although a bit windy. Manchild’s sister, brother in-law, and their kids are in the area for a conference. He took a vacation day and this met up with his sister and the kiddos this morning on the other side of the Potomac to do a little site-seeing.
Before the trip, they were on the phone discussing details and I think she may have asked what sort of activity modifications I’d need (i.e. should they avoid lots of walking, or am I unable to eat certain food, etc.). He quickly replied, “It’s just going to be me.”
I was a little offended, even though I had no real desire to join them given how crappy I’ve felt for the past month. Having the option to decide whether or not I wanted to go would have been nice. Had I gone, I would have slowed them down a lot seeing as I’m still wearing a very awkward and uncomfortable fracture boot. Meeting them so early in the day would have been impossible too because I’m usually chained to the toilet from about 3am until 10 or 11, and then there’s the issue of POTS requiring me to sit the fuck down frequently so I don’t pass out, puke, or explode. He knows all of the nuances of my conditions, which is why he made the decision for me.
I don’t know if it’s that he doesn’t want to deal with having to accommodate my slow pace and constant need of a restroom, or if he’s tired of asking and then hearing me say “no”. I haven’t seen my niece in three years, and I haven’t even met my nephew yet. He turns two in March. It’s sort of sad, and what’s even more sad is my indifference. Manchild’s mom likes to make him feel guilty about not being there to see the kiddos more often, but he doesn’t seem to care either. They’ll be moving to Colorado soon, and shortly after, his sister will pop out niece or nephew #3. We won’t be there for that, and he probably won’t be introduced to his new family member before he/she is at least two. Me? Even longer.
It’s just another thing that makes me feel like I’m an afterthought, or second rate citizen. It hurts, but not as much as participating and feeling like a burden, or guilty that I’m preventing other people from enjoying themselves. It would be nice if he’d agree to go places with me, so we can enjoy time outside of the house, but it seems I’m just not worth the effort.