The word ‘shit’ is on my family’s Coat of Arms. It’s a favorite word passed down through generations of my female ancestors. It only makes sense that it should be the foundation of my vocabulary. Lots of stuff makes me use it. For example:
Really cute things. Like unicorns with chainsaws attached to their heads. Awwwwww shit.
Discovering that I completely lost the ability to bake. What the shit?
Laughing so hard I collapse on the floor and roll around. ROFL is REAL. Ahhhh shit.
Getting turd-bombed by seagulls. Shit!
Eating a banana, then swelling up like a giant sea slug. OH SHIT.
Bananas. I’m bananas about them. I don’t eat them often anymore because they tend to do funky things to my stomach. They also make my mouth burn. I figured it had something to do with the pH of the fruit. It was late night/early morning and I needed a snack, so I ate a banana. And then within 20 minutes my tongue and the inside of my mouth started getting tiny white sores, and of course there was burning. I took a benadryl, then zonked. When I got out of bed, my eyelids were puffy and swollen, along with my hands and legs.
The day before banana I ate some avocado and got the distinct feeling I had been poisoned. Nausea, salivation, sweating, rapid heart beat. That was similar to what happens when I eat flax seed, only with flax I puke my guts out for hours. Flax is death. I don’t eat flax anymore. So, this burning/blistering banana mouth…allergy, or cross reaction? I eat healthy foods and am punished. I eat a bag of chips, and am perfectly fine. I swear, if I develop an allergy to chocolate, my world will end.
HEY BODY! YOU’RE DUUUUUUMB!