Search and Seizure

When something goes wrong, it’s probably natural to go into diagnostic mode to try to fix a problem and prevent it from happening in the future.  When the dishwasher finishes washing, and there’s a pile of gunk in the bottom, it’s a fair bet the drain is clogged.  Cleaning out the drain and making sure the garbage disposal is clear before running it again prevents a nasty recurrence.  Machines are a much easier thing to fix than humans because there are far fewer variables.  In case you’re wondering, I’m no dishwasher.

After I had my first seizure, I went on search for a reason and also a way to prevent it from happening again.  About the only thing I could come up with that is somewhat in my control is my sleep habits.  I had been severely sleep deprived in the weeks leading up to it, so I made an effort to get sleep whenever I felt tired – even if that meant in the middle of the day.  I normally keep myself awake during the day in an attempt to ensure I’ll actually sleep at night, but even powering through the extreme daytime tiredness did very little to help me sleep at night, so I’ve started sleeping whenever I can fall asleep.  It’s not ideal, but neither is insomnia.

I fell asleep some time after 4 this morning, and was awakened by a ‘jolt’ and had a feeling deep in my gut that something bad was going to happen (there’s that feeling of impending doom again!).  I was incredibly nauseated and felt the call of the bathroom.  Getting out of bed is a whole lot of work.  If the blood isn’t flowing, and I don’t work my leg and ankle joints before putting weight on my feet, I’m apt to fall directly on my ass.  The risk of blowing chunks all over the bedroom outweighed the possibility of falling all over myself.  I sprung out of bed, and without even putting my boot on, I tried to make a break for the bathroom.  The rest is a nasty mess of vomit, piss, and weirdly placed bruises.

I didn’t make it very far – maybe three steps – before I fell.  I don’t even remember falling.  When I pass out, I know it’s going to happen.  My ears start to buzz, and my vision narrows.  That gives me time to sit down before I fall down.  I’m about 95% sure this was another seizure, although I don’t have the benefit of a witness this time because he was still in bed.  I have no idea how much time elapsed, only that it was dark when I got scared awake, and light when I had any sort of idea what had happened.  It’s the confusion I feel afterward that’s the most troubling part, followed by damage control and clean up.  I made one hell of a mess this morning.  Of myself, and of the floor.  I bruised my left hip and boob, how?  I must have fallen into the door jam, then bounced off backwards.  I don’t even think a seasoned crime scene investigator could have figured out how it happened.  It’s the sort of physics magic only I’m capable of.

It’s scary and frustrating.  Given that I felt okay about an hour after it happened, save for nausea and a headache, I decided a trip to the hospital would be subjecting myself to unnecessary torture.  My neuro appointment isn’t for another three weeks, and I’m honestly not expecting much assistance there.  I’ll probably have to go back on gabapentin and stay on it, despite the side effects.  Baaaaalls.  Oh, and I forgot to mention last week – its been so long since my av access surgery request was ordered that I can’t schedule a new date until I see my nephrologist again.  I swear these people are driving me mad.  So many hoops, too little energy.

I will keep putting one foot in front of the other, because it’s how Kara do.  And sometimes she adds a double-bird, because fuck all.

5 thoughts on “Search and Seizure

  1. Oh yuck, I’m so glad you’re all right despite the mess and the bruises. That must be hell, trying to deal with nasty body fluids in addition to postictal confusion/headache/injuries. I have had a few seizures, one that left me with some lasting closed head injury issues, as I bounced off a metal door frame and landed on a stone floor. Several hours later, I swam through a thick sea of pain into consciousness of a sort, heard someone moaning (me), dragged myself along the floor and somehow got into bed. My roommate heard me moaning in the morning (moaning in the morning, how romantic) and after some deliberation took me to an urgent care, where they did nothing but hand her a prescription for something with aspirin in it, to which I am deathly allergic.

    I don’t get them anymore because I’m on two different benzos, lamotragine, and Gabapentin. That ought take care of it, dammit!

    Maybe if you called your neurologist’s office they could move your appointment up???

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yech, that sounds awful. I am SO glad the upstairs is carpeted here, so when I do fall (and it’s often enough from the drop foot getting ‘stuck’ in the carpet pile) the landing isn’t so bad unless I fall on a random pile of junk. Downstairs is different. All vinyl flooring on top of concrete slab. That shit hurts.

      I was on gabapentin briefly over the summer, but it made me completely useless so I quit after about a month. I have a referral to see a new neurologist, but never called to make an appointment, so one was made for me with the usual ass..guy. I emailed him to see about getting in sooner, but he insisted the 29th is the earliest available, and suggested I go to the ER if I can’t wait. Hah, like that’ll be of any benefit. It’s possible if I call to schedule the referral appointment and explain the situation, they might take pity on me. I should do that anyhow. I’m slacking off too much.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Were you taking the Gabapentin at night? Was it plain Gabapentin, or that long acting shit Gralise? I tried Gralise for my neck spasms and it worked but made me so out of it that I fell down a flight of stairs, just what I needed.

        Hope you can get seen sooner, sounds like you need it 😦

        Liked by 2 people

        • It was plain old gabapentin, and I was only taking 300mg. The doctor who did my sleep study put me on it. The neurologist was supposed to call it in to see if it would help with the neuropathic pain, but as usual I got lost in the shuffle. According to him, I was to titrate up to 2700mg relatively fast. 10 days, maybe? I can’t imagine. I did take it before bed, but the sedation didn’t wear off until dinner time the next day. It’s possible I didn’t allow enough time to adjust to it, but after 4 weeks at a dose that had no benefit other than turning me into the living dead, I didn’t have the patience.


          • Well yeah. I take 300 at night to control the spasms in my neck. Now I don’t know whether the med helps the spasms or whether I just sleep through them! Doesn’t matter. If I try to sleep on my side, my favorite position, the pain does wake me up, but I can usually get back to sleep reasonably quickly, which I couldn’t before. Daytime is pretty good if I take the stuff at about 8:30…no wild parties for me! Good thing I don’t have a partner to disappoint. My dog goes to sleep at 7:30 anyway. I have to wake her up at 9 to go out and potty, otherwise she wakes me up at oh-dark-thirty in the pee.


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