This is an apology of sorts. An apology of those of you who got duped into following me, and suffer through my posts. I started blogging because I needed an out. A place to toss all of the random things that happen to me, as well all of the thoughts that accompany those events. I admit to being a Facebook stalker. I lurk, rarely post, and complain about people posting 20 status updates a day about the dumbest shit. That’s a bit harsh coming from someone who does precisely that, only in blog format.
Starting out, I didn’t expect to gain an audience. It wasn’t one of my goals. I just wanted to spew poor grammar and tons of swear words to get it all out. All of that mind clutter that makes a person go crazy. This is by no means a popular blog, and I’m certain I’ve offended plenty with something as simple as my blog’s title. On the flipside, I have met some amazing people I wouldn’t have connected with otherwise.
These individuals have made me feel a little more comfortable with the social aspects of blogging. I find myself commenting more often on others’ posts, although it’s still nerve wracking, because what if I say the wrong thing? The words are there, but translating my thoughts into coherent sentences doesn’t come easily to me, and often times what I intend to say versus the way it comes out are two entirely different things. I may have mentioned before that I’m not a fan of small-talk (not to be confused with shooting the shit). If I’m going to talk to a person, I want it to be real. Not some generic, non-specific, socially acceptable script. I may be one of the few people on the internet who realizes there are real thinking, feeling humans attached to their blogs.
So it’s also understandable when someone doesn’t like me. It’s not unreasonable. No one can be universally likable, and if they are, it’s because they’re a chameleon. So why does being rejected by complete strangers I open myself up to sting so bad? And why do those rejections cause me to recoil back into my hidey hole? I don’t need a Freudian analysis on this one. It’s the same thing that earned me the ‘most shy’ award in my graduating class. I even got a trophy for it. Way to reward my personality defect!
Now for the apology part you’ve been waiting on: I’m having an extremely difficult time right now, and I’ve got A LOT of shit going on, so I’m sorry for the frequent posts that are all essentially the same. I can’t say for sure when it will end. This is a blog about chronic illness, and it’s booooooring. All of the excitement and surprises that come along with it aren’t usually the good kind. I also want to thank those of you who take the time to reach out and shoot the shit with me. It means more to me than you can possibly imagine.