A whole lot to say about a whole lot of nothing

This is an apology of sorts.  An apology of those of you who got duped into following me, and suffer through my posts.  I started blogging because I needed an out.  A place to toss all of the random things that happen to me, as well all of the thoughts that accompany those events.  I admit to being a Facebook stalker.  I lurk, rarely post, and complain about people posting 20 status updates a day about the dumbest shit.  That’s a bit harsh coming from someone who does precisely that, only in blog format.

Starting out, I didn’t expect to gain an audience.  It wasn’t one of my goals.  I just wanted to spew poor grammar and tons of swear words to get it all out.  All of that mind clutter that makes a person go crazy.  This is by no means a popular blog, and I’m certain I’ve offended plenty with something as simple as my blog’s title.  On the flipside, I have met some amazing people I wouldn’t have connected with otherwise.

These individuals have made me feel a little more comfortable with the social aspects of blogging.  I find myself commenting more often on others’ posts, although it’s still nerve wracking, because what if I say the wrong thing?  The words are there, but translating my thoughts into coherent sentences doesn’t come easily to me, and often times what I intend to say versus the way it comes out are two entirely different things.  I may have mentioned before that I’m not a fan of small-talk (not to be confused with shooting the shit).  If I’m going to talk to a person, I want it to be real.  Not some generic, non-specific, socially acceptable script.  I may be one of the few people on the internet who realizes there are real thinking, feeling humans attached to their blogs.

So it’s also understandable when someone doesn’t like me.  It’s not unreasonable.  No one can be universally likable, and if they are, it’s because they’re a chameleon.  So why does being rejected by complete strangers I open myself up to sting so bad?  And why do those rejections cause me to recoil back into my hidey hole?  I don’t need a Freudian analysis on this one.  It’s the same thing that earned me the ‘most shy’ award in my graduating class.  I even got a trophy for it.  Way to reward my personality defect!

Now for the apology part you’ve been waiting on:  I’m having an extremely difficult time right now, and I’ve got A LOT of shit going on, so I’m sorry for the frequent posts that are all essentially the same.  I can’t say for sure when it will end.  This is a blog about chronic illness, and it’s booooooring.  All of the excitement and surprises that come along with it aren’t usually the good kind.  I also want to thank those of you who take the time to reach out and shoot the shit with me.  It means more to me than you can possibly imagine.

23 thoughts on “A whole lot to say about a whole lot of nothing

  1. Yes, I was “duped”. Know what though? I’m ok with that. Though you have dealt with a lot of stuff with your illnesses, somehow you add a dash of humor in your blog posts. It’s why I keep reading, even though it isn’t always easy to read about what you are going through. It may not be much, but I’m sending positive vibes your way, and am always hoping things will get better for you. And I’m not the least bit offended by the title. I hope you keep writing 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Tracy. You’re good people 🙂

      I’m loving your blog, particularly the focus on music. We don’t listen to much R&B here, so the exposure to some new stuff has been pretty awesome. Tapping into uncharted musical territory can be a little daunting without a guide. Music is great therapy!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Kara. Yes, music is great therapy… and spreading the word about the music I grew up with and still love (even as it seems that it is marginalized in the mainstream) is fun for me. Thanks for your compliments! And you are good people too 😊

        Like

  2. And I was wondering what a dookie was! 😉
    I’m glad I met you 🙂 although it saddens me that you have serious health problems. I’m sorry that you’re struggling 😦
    If you ever want to talk I’m here. Hugs 🐻 💜 🍫

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I often feel the same, really. But you know what? If someone doesn’t want to read your blog, they won’t. You may have duped first-time readers, but nothing beyond that. I’m sorry you’re going through so much right now. It often feels like it will never end, doesn’t it? I can’t feel your pain, but I’ve got enough of my own to understand. Pain and annoyance, all the way. Keep going on, pushing through. Hopefully things look up a bit for you soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so true. Overthinking is leading me to unnecessary expectations about what my blog should and shouldn’t be. I need to chill out. 😉

      I know you can relate, as we share quite a few similarities. I remember reading your posts early on and thinking, “wow, that sounds like me!”

      I’m sorry any of us have to go through this, but I’m so glad I’ve had the chance to meet such cool people, like yourself, obviously 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. haha, the title totally drew me in. I figured there had to be some sarcastic humor and honesty somewhere with a tagline like that. With how much fake crap out there I think a lot of people actually appreciate honestly, even if it’s negative, brutal or boring. Hang in there, I truly hope things are able to look up for you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks Ms. Awesomesauce! I go back and forth between thinking I should tone it down a bit, and just saying screw it. It’s definitely easier to write when I just let it flow, so the benefit on my behalf is greater…but then I’m like, hmmm, I’m a little selfish, huh. 😉 Oh well. I’m glad there are some who appreciate it.

      P.S. I saw your post yesterday – that R2D2 hat made my day, as well as your colorful hair. So cool!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Thank you! I totally agree, just letting it flow and being one’s self gives way more benifit than holding back. Who cares if it’s not everyone’s cup of tea!!

        Like

  5. I get it. I do the same thing. I started my blog years ago as a way to figure out life, the universe, and chronic pain. It was mostly for me (a lot like you) but it was also for everyone else that was going through something, so that we could all feel like we’re not alone. I get stuck on something as I trying to figure out how to work through it. It is what it is, and I’m glad to read your blog!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I was completely and hopelessly addicted to Grey’s Anatomy last year. I binged seasons 1-current, so when I found your blog, I was smitten. You’ve got skill. I love your writing, and it’s a bonus we live in the same area and have both dealt with the military dependent life. Misery loves company…overused, but so appropriate 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I always like seeing you post, & glad that you do. People will read what they want, and skip over what they don’t.
    Keep doing what you’re doing 😀👍😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank ya! It has been fun chatting with you, even if the circumstances surrounding it are complete crap. You’ve got such a good attitude about everything, it’s contagious. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Likewise, it’s always a pleasure 😀.
        Haha don’t know about that 😂 but thank you 👍
        Guess we gotta find something good within all the shite 💩

        Like

  7. Thanks for changing the color of your text — it’s much easier for me to read. 🙂

    The other day, I made a somewhat long and rather thoughtful comment on someone else’s blog. This person responded to and liked all the other comments, but not mine. What am I supposed to think about that? Thing is, if this person doesn’t say what was wrong with the comment, I just have to guess. But I’m not good at guessing, so the result of this little blogging experience is that I doubt I will make a comment on that blog again. And because this blogger always writes long posts, I doubt I’ll spend much time over there in the future.

    Then there was the time when I pissed of this other blogger with one of my comments and he unfollowed me. I think I know what the problem was there, and to be honest, I’m glad that I don’t have to visit his blog again. (Selfishness is not a bad thing, but too much of it is tiring.)

    I see other bloggers with hundreds of likes on one post, and I’m like, how does that person have the time to read hundreds of other blogs? Respond to so many comments? Maybe it’s fun to be popular, I wouldn’t know; but my god, it must also be exhausting. How does anyone keep track of that many people?

    And when you see someone being followed by hundreds of people, you have to know that many of those are ghost followers. Many who clicked once on the follow button — and that’s about it. In other words, don’t be fooled by the facade that is WordPress.

    One of the things I like about blogging is that everyone’s blog is different. (Well, mostly.) And one of the things I don’t like about blogging is the people who disappear — stop blogging or go private. But I guess it’s just like the real world, where people come and go, regardless of what’s happening in my life. Everyone else has as many problems as I do. 🙂

    Dude, there’s nothing wrong with being shy. I find people who are shy are usually people who think more than the average person. I like people who think. (In fact, I’m worried that I’m addicted to thinking.) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just noticed it was grey on black right before I changed it. Whoops.

      One day, my views went over 100 and I freaked. I felt self-conscious, and had some serious doubts about my writing style, which of course translated to some serious doubts of who I am as a person. Existential crisis, all because of WordPress. So, yes…being addicted to thinking can be problematic. 😉 Coincidentally, that was the same day I deleted most of my posts. After I did it, I wondered what the hell the issue was. I wonder if there’s a way to turn off stats so I don’t even see them. Hmmm…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ah, stats. It’s like the brownies I have in my refrigerator, blocking out the view of all the healthy stuff. Perhaps out of sight, out of mind, would be an effective treatment.

        When I first started blogging, I checked my stats all the time. Now? Not as much. For some reason, I got a lot of views on the Donald Drumpf post from John Oliver, but it’s not like any of those people stayed to visit. Whatever. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • We finished a pan of brownies yesterday. I put chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, and white chocolate chips in them. I think that’s the trick to making them last longer – it’s difficult to keep eating them when you’re in a sugar coma.

          Liked by 1 person

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