Aliens among us

I have a family.  Shocking, yes?  2/3 of them I’m hesitant to claim because they’re just so…weird.  I’m sure that same 2/3 are hesitant to claim me for the exact same reason.

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Doin’ a little boogie – can ya dig it?

My relationship with my parents, specifically my Dad, hasn’t always been tolerable.  My Mom is the most caring, patient, amazing, and neurotic person I know.  How she ended up with (and is still married to) the most narcissistic, impatient, abusive, and fucked up person I know remains a mystery.  I love him, and I have a better understanding of his behavior now than I did.  I forgive him for what he did, and commend him for making an effort to not be an insufferable asshole.  I’m just glad I don’t have to live around that anymore.

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Ah, Catholicism.  The beginning of a very long relationship with red wine and guilt.

 

That being said, I am close to my parents.  My definition of close is probably different than my husband’s.  His Mom calls multiple times a week, guilt-trips him until his ears bleed, and sticks her nose into all of his business, all while simultaneously putting him on a pedestal and fanning his fire of self-importance.  If she senses something is off, she’ll hop in the car (or on a plane) and invite herself in to poo-poo all over my crappy housewifery.  Then she likes to pick fights.  She told me she was so angry at my parents for leaving me alone last March while I house-sat for them so they could go to Florida when it was clear I was unwell, and angry that they didn’t show up every time I was hospitalized.  “Don’t they care about you?” so I had to explain that not all families are the same, and when I look at how their family deals with shit, it annoys me.  But you know, in a nicer way.

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I have an adult relationship with my parents, although the older I get, I wonder if any of us are truly adults – I often times think I’m more mature than they are, which is terrifying if you think about it ;).  They offered to help me out, but I declined.  They respected my wishes and only asked that I keep them updated.  The offer stood – if I needed them, they’d be there for me.  I think that’s healthy.  We may only talk once a month, but it doesn’t mean we forget about each other.  It makes it easier to stay SANE, plus it gives us more to talk about.  I think what it ultimately comes down to is trust.  They trust me, and my ability to be rational and make mostly good decisions.  Or they realize I’m 33 fucking years old and they can’t do anything about it, but I’d like to think there’s a sense mutual trust and respect between us.  Boundaries are an important part of any relationship.

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My husband’s parents are the complete opposite of mine, and I’m sure that is part of the reason they think I’m demon spawn.  The relationship he has with his parents is a big reason I refer to him as manchild.  Not to his face, most of the time.  Whether he likes it or not, that’s the position he’s in.  It is a two way street, though.  He may complain about how obnoxious his Mother is, but she’s always there to fish him out of the shit he gets himself into.  He was raised to have a woman look after him, and I’m failing miserably.  Although, after 10 years and multiple attempts, I still can’t get him to do his own laundry.  I shouldn’t have to take care of him, or feel guilty about asking him to do things I can’t.  I would love (maybe not love – I fucking hate housework, but it was my ‘job’) to take care of the thankless crap like I did in the past, but you can’t force a 3-legged horse to run and win a race.  If his life has truly been ruined by me, whose fault is that?  He asked me to marry him.  He knew what he was getting himself into from the beginning, except for the whole sick thing.  This doesn’t absolve me from the responsibility of being a kind, decent human being.  I think I do just fine on that front, and hopefully it makes some of my quirks less detrimental.  I can tell he’s conflicted.  He loves me so so much, but he doesn’t know how to be a whole person when he’s only got half of the life he wants.  Love stinks, yeeah yeah.

As spring approaches, so to will the frequency of visitation requests.  My sister has plane tickets purchased and plans to visit the second week of April.  She has offered to rent a car, and if I weren’t an asshole, I’d let her borrow mine.  In my defense, she is an AWFUL driver.  Add DC traffic to that, and I’ll never see my ugly little car in one piece again.  I can’t even drive the damn thing.  Yet.

Family is a good thing to have.

When they’re 500 miles away.

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24 thoughts on “Aliens among us

  1. Your sense of humor cracks me up. You know what they say though, men apparently look for a woman who reminds them of their mum 😂😂, if you block me now I’d completely understand lmao 😱

    Liked by 3 people

            • That’s good to hear 🙂
              I’m having a low pain day but I haven’t tried moving much yet, as stuck at the computer, lol…-trying- to write an essay towards my degree. And I’d rather be on WordPress for some company! Once I get moving I will see whether I need to hold onto the walls and furniture, it’s crappy, but you’ve got to adapt haven’t you. 🙂

              Liked by 3 people

              • Glad the pain is low for to you today 👍. Oh cool what’s the essay on, and what degree are you doing?
                Yea being in contact with others is needed at times 😀.
                That’s what it’s all about, adapting and finding coping mechanisms to get through the days 👊

                Liked by 3 people

                • Thanks. 🙂
                  I’m doing a design degree with the Open University. It’s a part time one lasting 6 years! Almost down to 5 years now. 😉
                  I want to go to a sewing group in the next village but I’ve just been too unwell to leave the house – high pain levels / stiffness or the bronchitis. I’m so glad to know you and the others on here. 😀

                  Liked by 3 people

                • Brilliant, always good to try and push ourselves. And once completed, it will have been worth it 👍
                  Bless you, it’s bloody hard to get out when dealing with chronic conditions, I hardly venture out, usually medicated up with a heat pad on my gut lol. Its great to conect with others who understand completely & can communicate freely 😀

                  Liked by 2 people

                • Ah thank you for cheering me on. 🙂 your heatpad sounds good, I usually venture out with a blanket. Wrap it round the poor hip and leg because if the cold gets in the pain is unbearable.

                  You take care, have a lovely weekend with your family 🙂 🐻

                  Liked by 3 people

                • 😀, heat pad is my life saver at times. Ah I know what u mean, cold never bothered me too much but not it gets into the joints, horrible, sounds like you have the right idea 👍.
                  Thank you, will certainly try to, you too, have a good one and don’t study to hard 😎😀

                  Liked by 3 people

  2. I want that baby skunk! So cute! Just a bit smellier than a Chihuahua 😉

    My fiance is a bit like your manchild me thinks. He seems to have the same sort of mother as Manchild. I call her Smother as she is so, well, smothering…but mostly in a bad way. But now he’s full-time here (England), she in Canada is only able to connect with him via Skype when he’s up to it. I don’t hate her, I’m actually quite supportive – which is surprising after the mean and manipulative things she’s said (ie. The English Bitch!) and done (tried fixing him up with a work colleague after we lived together for half a year!). Still, if we do move to his country later, it will be in the next province, hehe 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • LOL @ Smother. She means well, so I’ve been told, but her behavior has gone unchecked/unchallenged for so long that it sort of gets out of control. I had a convo with my sister in-law’s husband, and he goes through the same thing as I do – or worse. She actually can’t stand him because he has a tendency to call her on it, whereas I sit and take it.

      I need to write about the familial aftermath of him buying a motorcycle sometime. Oh man, good stuff. Haha.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Here’s some good advice for you:

    “Sometimes when I’m sick of doing laundry I just fold my husband’s dirty clothes and put them back.”

    These are for both of us:

    “I keep a fork in my purse just in case cake happens.”

    “Cake happens.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s so strange to see someone else having the opposite situation as me. While Mr. Mango definitely isn’t used to taking care of himself (or at least caring that rolled up socks in every corner, and empty cups on every shelf isn’t appealing) without help, his mother generally doesn’t worry if they don’t talk for long periods of time. I however have a mother that spent years calling me almost daily for hours at a time, to just chat. To this day she still blames Mr. Mango for moving me away from her. Its only 40 minutes… and if it were up to me it would have been further!

    Liked by 1 person

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