Long days, longer nights

3:36am.  Wide awake.  Pain, insomnia, cramping, and thinking.  I haven’t talked to my asshole since he dropped me off.  We’ve had a few very abrupt text conversations, to the tune of him answering me the next day or not at all.  He has volunteered the information that classes are absolutely terrible and he’s in information and activity overload.

No matter what I say, I get a snarky quip in return, so I’m done.  If he wants to “talk”, he can contact me.  I don’t have the will to glue his happy back together. He’s on his own.  I haven’t complained once about what I’m going through here.  That’s the best I can do.

To say I’m tired doesn’t begin to cover it.  I visited my parents at a good time for them, because they need my help.  It feels nice to be the caregiver for once, but it’s also probably fucking me over.  Or it’s good for me, and that’s why I hurt so bad.  I suppose the impact will be determined later.  I’ve been going out more often and realized when the tachycardia gets really bad, I start having chest pain in addition to the nausea, headache, and unsteadiness.  Aren’t I too young for this shit?  This is just stupid.

Spasms are getting worse.  My thighs and forearms are cramping up, whereas before it was everything below the knee and occasionally hands.  It’s a fucking bummer.  Muscle relaxants sound divine.  I’m on so many anticholinergics and CNS depressants, they probably aren’t even an option.

My muscles feel like they’re on fire, and my bones hurt.  I know lack of sleep isn’t helpful, but if I could sleep, I would.  Fuck insomnia.  I haven’t even gotten into the psychological crap.  That’s another story for another day.  So, I’m sorry class sucks, manchild.  I’ll save all of my complaints for the internet.

8 thoughts on “Long days, longer nights

  1. Pain, insomnia gurl those are very common for me and the same here I fucking hate them….My whole system is a mess at this minute but I thought I seen a bottle of crazy glue around here maybe I can glue us all together ; ) or maybe our eyes shut when we need to sleep and glue them open for when we need to be awake??…lol …
    But really I understand what you saying and if it helps to hear that you are not alone then there I said it lol…
    Also sorry that you have problems with your half …that just adds to the stress and pain..
    Huggs to you

    Liked by 2 people

  2. :S lack of sleep makes everything worse both physical and mental, if anything he should count himself lucky that you aren’t venting about your stay to him. I hope you are able to catch some shut eye, while it may not help as much as a muscle relaxer, at least it would be something! Try to take care of yourself too. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so very quiet
    in the middle of the night
    While most are dreaming
    (maybe of flight)
    But no, not me
    Not me in the least
    My brain won’t sleep
    My body won’t ease

    And now a new day
    (a new torture to frame)
    Eyes made of sawdust
    and I am so drained…

    The new dawn is bright
    (too bright for my eyes)
    But maybe, just maybe
    the night will bring fries 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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