The smelly girl

I claimed that title when I was 15, after my Dad shot a skunk square in the pooper.  Wind direction and a cruel twist of fate carried the stink cloud through the door, and into the closest room: my bedroom.  I had a nice pile of clean clothes in a laundry basket that got hosed with skunk squeezings.  When you touch anything that has been skunked, it transfers to absolutely everything.  I found this out the hard way.  After a while, the nose gets used to it, and all that’s detectable is a faint whiff of eraser rubber.  This was not the case for my classmates at school.

“What is that smell?!”

I owned it.

“It’s  me!  I smell like a skunk’s ass!”

It took about two weeks before I was able to quarantine all of my reeked belongings, and then I was in the clear.  Until I pet the cat who had also been sprayed by the skunk who used to be his friend until she took a round of pellets to the ass and decided to become a vigilante.  My Dad is a smart man, believe it or not.  He was in the habit of dumbing himself down with beer.  I get it honestly.

I don’t like to smell bad.  I think most people are the same.  I may only shower every 2 or 3 days, but I’m also a perfumista so I mask my natural scent with something more pleasant.  Showering just got a whole lot more difficult.

I have a tube hanging out of my chest that can’t get wet, and also an incision in my arm that needs to stay dry for a week.  The pain isn’t nearly as bad as the anticipation of smelling like a giant block of head cheese until I can properly decontaminate.

I’ve got a novel-sized stack of after care instructions that say NO SHOWERS, but baths are okay?  I haven’t taken a bath since I figured out that I need a crane (or a manchild) to fish me out when I get prunie.  And just for fun, I’m allergic to the adhesive on the dressings so I’m sore and hella itchy.  It’s time to get creative with the saran wrap.

Today sure feels like a Monday.  At least the most unpleasant part is over!

9 thoughts on “The smelly girl

  1. My hear goes out to you and ohhh that smell how I remember it to well friend cat got sprayed with that wonderful sent lol… remember trying everything even the good ol tomato juice haha…
    Yes you can wrap up in saran wrap or trash bag with the opening facing down and tape it up..BUT I would try a sponge bath you don’t want to get that shitt wet…

    Liked by 2 people

    • True true. Think we should bottle “skunk ewww de parfum” and sell it? I bet it has a niche market somewhere on the planet. We’ll be rich!

      Yeah, sponge baths for a while. I’ll see if I can get my husband to help me wash my hair. I’ve found some pretty decent dry shampoo, so that’ll help!

      Hugs back atcha 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      • HEY market it to the hunters they use shitt like that lolol…were rich gurl…!!!!! lol ..well if I was closer I could try to help ya in any way I could gurl…I have never tried those shampoos that’s great that you found some good ones..I know the hospital has these things looks like baby wipes and you heat it in the microwave and then put it on your head and rub it in and you don’t have to rinse it out or anything…you need a hook up at the hospital gurl..I can’t help like I used too…I still have a pretty good first aid cabinet lol..
        wishing you well and better times gurl
        Hugggggggs to me …aww thank you..back at ya again lol

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yikes, you got your access stuff in today? Did they do general? You’re actually alert and writing. It must be weird as all fuck, to have stuff coming out of your chest, etc. Gaaaaaa, the itchy allergic dressings! Panic attack here. The wolfish looking cardiologist I saw last week said I would likely need a central line for upcoming surgeries. Makes me want to run away. Far, far away!

    So I don’t really think whole immersion baths are OK, because, immersion. I think what is allowed is a sitz bath that doesn’t come up to the level of the wound, and you get to slosh around the important parts. Here in the Great Outdoors where I can squeeze a shower out of my tiny water tank every 4-5 days, I rely on “the bird bath,” which in my ancestral family means wetting a cloth and washing as well as you can with it. During the several years of hand surgeries (here they come again 👹😠😡) I discovered that it is possible to shower and wash one’s hair with one hand, while waving the bandaged one outside the shower, for balance. Not luxurious, merely utilitarian, but at least.

    Seriously, your skunk had a kitty pal? My former kitty, Mighty Mouth, had a very unusual friend…I won’t give it away, because I’ve got a draft of their story cooking….stay tuned….

    Well then. I wish I was there to cook yummy delicious nutritious food for you. Tell your bonehead that I said to take good care of you or I’ll whoop his military ass, heah?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yip, all done today. It was actually conscious sedation, versed/propofol and local anesthetic cocktail (I probably said “this reminds me of college” again as I was coming to..ha!). I’ll be in a good mood for the next, ooooh, 4 hours or so, then I’ll build my cocoon and stay there for a few days. The after effects are not so fun. Nothing a tub of cool whip can’t fix. Of course, after general I wasn’t coherent for a few days, and was JUST starting to feel normal again in my headspace over the weekend. No likey. Central lines suck, but so does blowing 50 veins before they find a good one. Good part is that it’s temporary. I don’t know how people deal with having PICC/permacaths indefinitely. I guess like anything else, a person gets used to stuff and works around it.

      Looking forward to the story! Cats are weird creatures. Rufus (the skunk lover) probably had brain damage from a mishap when he was a kitten, but he was the friendliest cat I’ve ever met. Indoor cats are tyrants, but the outdoor types are much more dog-like, so I guess that makes me a dog person.

      I’ll relay the message, and just maybe he’ll become a chef. 😉 I’m trying to get him to cook for himself. Stuff other than pizza and corndogs, but “it’s not high on my list of priorities.”. I swear, I’m going to outlive him. His Mom obviously points the finger at me regarding his shit diet. He’s a grown-ass man, he can feed himself! Good grief.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hmmph. Men can live on shit out of the freezer (e.g., pizza and corn dogs) for hundreds of years. What are YOU going to eat?

        Of all the long term access devices, I like the Port-a-cath best. We used them a lot in kids because they are simply reservoirs that are installed under the skin of the chest, that connect to the vena cava. Nothing sticking out, swimming yes. Dose of long acting heparin once a week. Do you have to flush your catheter, or can you wait till dialysis? When is your first dialysis? When did you have general? God, I love propofol. I had it for my last hand surgery (#3). I can see why MJ liked it so much, poor fucked up motherfucker.

        I’ll finish that story when my guts stop hurting. It seems to hurt worse after the shits get overwith…

        Liked by 1 person

        • Food is tricky. Too many damn restrictions. Low fiber/residue, renal diet. I’m basically eating whatever strikes my fancy at this point, even if it isn’t healthy. I’m in it for the calories at this point. I have to flush with saline daily, no heparin though. I thought I was going to have dialysis today, but that was not the case. Not ’til hump day. Good for me, bad for my chauffeur. Would’ve been nice to save to fuel, but oh well. Eh, appendectomy was on the 29th of April…so I guess it has almost been a month. Time flies.

          Oof, angry guts. I feel for ya 😦


  3. You are going through it and thinking about how you smell. Made me smile a little.
    When I was in the hospital they had this package of body wipes, you warm them a bit in the microwave and have this nice warm towel thing to clean with. They are great. I had some left and still reach for them on days I need.
    Washing my hair is always the chore.
    Go have it washed if you are up to it.
    It will make you feel human again.
    Hope you can shower soon.
    I understand what it’s like to really want to but can’t.
    Best your way.

    Liked by 1 person

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