An Epically Boring Timeline

6:15am – finally falling asleep after a rotten night.

6:50am – crap, I gotta crap.

And again at 7:30, 8:10, 9:00, 10:15, 11:30

11:45am – finally empty, drifting off to la-la land…

12:45 – Manchild barges in, sits on me and asks if I’m going to sleep all day.  I pull a rubber mallet out from under my pillow and beat him to death.  Oh, don’t I wish.

1:00pm – flop out of bed like a fish out of water.  Brush my teeth, flush my central line.

1:15pm – coffee coffee coffeeeee.

2:00pm – act like a knit-wit, realize the absurdity of knitting winter wear when it’s 85 degrees out.

4:00pm – make a half-assed attempt at bathing.  Happy to smell a little better.

5:00pm – start a batch of pumpkin donuts, made as muffins instead.

6:00pm – shells and cheese for manchild, and coke for me.

7:00pm – I forgot to eat, pop a frozen vegetarian curry meal (with all kinds of delicious, fibrous shit I shouldn’t be eating) into the nuclear core.  Smeared that bad boy with hummus, because why not?  It’ll hurt either way.

8:00pm – Regurgitating curry.  More knit-witting.  Contemplating knitting monsters instead.

9:00pm – Play Torchlight 2, delight in the revelation that my pet can run to town to sell and retrieve items.

10:00pm – Fuck today.  I’m going back to bed.  Pain, pain, go away.  Take a tramadol.

10:30 – sleepy enough to roll over to my sleepy side, roll over.

10:45 – chunks rise.  Curry exorcised.

11:00pm – Try sleep again, can’t do it.  Feet and legs are in the deep-fryer.

11:30pm – douse myself in biofreeze

11:45 – write about it.

Currently – sleeping?  Maybe?  Nah.

I’ve got appointments this week.  Woop-woop!  Let’s get this party started.






17 thoughts on “An Epically Boring Timeline

    • My phone swallowed my reply. Grrr. Given more time to think about it, I’ve decided to be sure the lollipop guild has an opening before I cut my legs off at the knees. Slap-happy can be fun, but mostly it makes me extra weird. I’m sorry you’re not having a delightful time either.😔


  1. Coffee tramadol chaser is always a treat 😉 … ( and I’m not a weed smoker myself) … you sound like you need some weed … lots of weed!!?? Thats my medical advise for the week LOL

    Liked by 3 people

      • Thanks! Rice, rice baby. I skipped food today. I’ll try again tomorrow, hopefully after I SLEEP. Two days, not a single z. Except for z as in zombie. A nice, docile zombie. ☠

        Are your guts feeling any better?


        • Rice, baby. That’s really the only thing that makes my innards happy. I guess I’d better start taking some vitamins, eh?

          I’ll never forget how this thing started. I hadn’t been feeling so well in the guts department. I had a friend who also hadn’t been. We were “toilet twins.” We talked to each other while on the pot, because…because we had no other social interaction. So one day I got the bright idea that fresh juice was what I needed, so I crawled over to the Shuk to get some. The juice guy said he had some mighty nice beets, did I want some to pick up my carrot juice a bit? Sure, I said, and gulped down 16 ounces of fresh veggie juice. Mmmm, good. Half an hour later, back on my throne, I called my Kupkake (that’s what we call each other), and yup, she was still there. Out came my juice. We were giggling over the pretty pink in the toilet, when I got some prodigious cramps that felt like I was having a baby, and…that wasn’t beet juice any more. It was just pure blood. Five days in the hospital, check. Sigh.

          Oh yeah, Amy’s gluten free rice pasta microwaveable mac-n-cheese. It’s tasty, and it has protein, and it digests by me OK.

          Hope you get some sleep, fer cryin’ out loud. How is a body or a brain supposed to feel OK without no sleep?

          Rice, and almond milk. Both low residue and low protein….how the hell are you supposed to live? Now that you’re being dialysed, can you eat more protein?

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yikes! Did this happen recently, or was it when you found out you have Crohn’s? Toilet twins! I love it. I have a normal-gutted friend who doesn’t mind keeping me company when I’m stranded in the bathroom. I text him “I’m trapped on the toilet…tell me a story”, and he does. I’ve written about him before. I house-sat for him and watched his 3 mutts last fall when he lived in Virginia. It was probably the most enjoyable 4 days I’ve had in a couple of years. Puppy therapy is amazing!

            I take gummy vitamins made for kids thinking I’m more likely to digest them than the giant-ass horse pills I have a prescription for. They aren’t as tasty as haribo gummy bears, but they aren’t terrible either. I got a natural/organic brand through amazon. Lactose free, gluten free, soy free, and I believe it’s even kosher because there aren’t any animal parts in them 😉 They’re called “yummi bears”. I imagine places like the fresh market and whole paycheck carry them too if you feel inclined to check ’em out.

            I have to sit with the dietitian tomorrow while I’m in the dialysis clinic. I’m bombing my diet, partially because I have no idea what to eat, but mostly because my stomach is being an asshole. At least I’m not on fluid restriction. I have a can of spirutein that I’m killing. Not the same as “real” food, although anything is better than nothing. I hope. I can’t stand the crap that GI orders for me…peptamen. It tastes like rusty rotten milk, and it coats my mouth in a slimy film. Bleeeeech. Poison!

            Liked by 2 people

            • Ewwww, peptamen. I haven’t actually had the dubious pleasure of ingesting the stuff, but one of my nurses got back at me for a prank I played on her (epic prank, I’ll write about it later, I feel too shitty right now) anyway she put Nutramigen which is the baby equivalent, in my coffee and served it to me, the witch!

              Yeah, that whole hell with the beet and the Israeli hospital was in 2008. I suppose it was good in its way because otherwise I would never have gone willingly for a scope. Israeli hospitals don’t give you a choice. Gurney appears in the room for three, one of you is loaded on it, you are told where you’re going while you’re in transit, and if you’re well enough to jump off, bevakasha, geveret. (Loose translation: be my guest, lady.)

              By the time they got around to the scope I had been on Flagyl+ Cipro for five days already, so things were reasonably calmed down. Still had granulomas though.

              Beets. Nah.

              Liked by 1 person

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