Derriere overload

I went out with manchild on memorial day, after two nights of minimal/no sleep.  I was in a surprisingly good mood, and my guts were behaving themselves because I didn’t give them any ammunition.  With the exception of medical appointments, I hadn’t gotten out of the house since my parents brought me home.

He was anxious and enraged by traffic, and I questioned his offer to take me for a ride.  Like, was he going to drive me out to the bay and throw me in with some cement galoshes to “swim” with the fishes?  Apparently he just felt bad about my hermitism.

He drove to Annapolis and we stopped at whole foods so he could use the bathroom and give me a chance to drool all over the stuff I can’t eat.  I was looking for Plentils, but they didn’t have any.  Whole Foods fail!  There were lentil chips, but they had a bunch of extra shit in them that I didn’t want.

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We paid the the troll four dollars to cross the bay bridge for the first time.  I’m either a nerd, or I don’t get out enough, because it was pretty fucking cool!  It’s over 4 miles long!  It was exciting until we realized the westbound traffic was stopped and backed up for miles.  He drove around Kent island for a while, then we took the long long long way home.  Northeast to 95, then back down through Baltimore.  He paid another four dollars to drive through the Baltimore harbor tunnel.  Yes, I geeked out again.

We stopped at a rest area when we were about 90 minutes from home, and the weirdest thing happened.  The rest area was PACKED.  Tons of people.  So many people, we had to drive around for 10 minutes to find a place to park.  During that time, all I could think about was all of the butts touching the toilet seats.  I really had to go, but noooo thanks, I’ll hold it.  I don’t trust ass gaskets.  I’ve never been a germophobe, and I’ll happily go anywhere so long as there’s TP, so this was a new experience.  So. Many. Butts.

 

7 thoughts on “Derriere overload

  1. Hahahaha! Butts. I had a good friend in medical school whose last name was Butts. And he was gay! Imagine. No, scratch that. Don’t imagine.

    Sounds like you had a really nice outing. Except for road-type issues, and too many butts. It sounds like intermission at the symphony. Toilets flushing, flushing, flushing….the Powder Room, breathing Eau des Femmes…lovely.

    Hope you get to go out more (if you want to!). Just getting out, seeing something besides your own..dalet amot…which means, literally, the space a human needs for her own self. An amah is the length of your own arm. Dalet is the letter 4. Yes, the letter 4, also the number. Hebrew letters are also numbers. So your dalet amot is a cube measuring 4 lengths of your arm in each direction. So it’s good to have your dalet amot, which also refers to your comfort zone. And sometimes it’s good to just leave it home.

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    • It was a good trip. I played the part of DJ, navigator, co-driver, and therapist. Although I wanted to rupture my eardrums after he requested g-eazy. What the fuck is a g-eazy? Very eminemish. Very bad. He must have some sleazy friends at work who turned him on to that crap. And I thought country was bad. Despite all of that, I’d do it again! I think he enjoyed it too. When the veins in his forehead weren’t ready to explode.

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  2. ass gaskets lmao..never heard that term before lol..
    better than a porta potty lol…Well the good points are that you did get to go out and about …..Most of the tolls here just take a picture of your plate and send you a bill..You have to watch that tho since the first one I got in the mail I knew I had not been in that area at all so I called and it was off by a number or letter so it wasn’t my car lol…at first I freaked out like who took my car when I didn’t notice lol..but they looked and all was good ….
    All those butts on those seats …yeah line the seat if you must or pee standing up lol or heck bring a coffeeeee can with you and put the seat all the way back and hit the floor well hit the coffeeee can lol yeah I am talking from experience I usually have to bring one I know sounds bad but much better than going at some of the gas stations and this way we don’t have to stop and all the germs that I don’t need to come into contact …Just make sure you bring hand sanitize I keep one that hooks to my purse …Well I think I shared some private things with ya …hope you enjoyed lmao..
    again glad that you got to get out and enjoy your ride..
    Hugggggggggs
    Suzz

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    • That camera crap is irksome. Here they park unmarked vans or vehicles that look like they were abandoned on the side of the road and mount cameras and radars in them. If you’re speeding, it snaps a picture and a ticket comes in the mail. Apparently only if you have Maryland plates. I wondered why I never got pulled over last year doing 75 in a 55…out of state plates. That, and maybe the miraculousness of actually being able to get up to that speed on the beltway.

      I’ve gone in some strange places. On a snow bank, in a trash can, over a guard rail. Probably peed on a marmot hole at Hatcher’s pass. Glad it didn’t bite my bum!

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  3. So glad you were out and about for a while. Too bad the Eastern Shore was packed with cars, most likely returning from Ocean City. You weren’t too far from where I live if you were on Kent Island. Hope this trip doesn’t scare you for another Eastern Shore excursion.

    Sorry to hear about the butts lol…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sure we’ll do it again when it’s not the end of a holiday weekend. Still lots of exploring to do now that I’ve got an apprehensive chauffeur. Other than the bridge and return trip down 95, there wasn’t much traffic at all. it was nice!

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