Reminder to the caregiver

I’d say I’m a care-taker, in that I take the care that others give now that I’m not totally self-sufficient anymore, but really the only thing I demand is grocery runs.  Something my husband hates very much.  Luckily, he hates my behavior even more when I’m hangry.  When he fears I’ll tear his face off and eat it, he runs to the store with his tail between his legs.  Poor fella.

His priorities for house and his own self-care outside of the hobby of the week are extremely low.  If I want a clean house, I have to do it.  If I want clean dishes, I have to do it.  If he wants a burger instead of corndogs, he bats his eyelashes at me, and I char a cow for him.  If I can no longer stand the smell emanating from his dirty clothes pile, I have to do it.  It has been 3 weeks and I’ve yet to touch that nasty crap, so I hope you’re proud of me.

I take care of my own stuff as much as I can and ask for help if it’s needed.  I don’t feel guilty about that anymore, and all of a sudden I don’t feel guilty about quitting my job as his maid.

He steps up when he needs to.  There are times I’m so flogged I can’t get out of bed.  He makes sure I stay fed and watered, and camps out in the room next to mine so he can hear me if I need him.  He’s a good mate.  Maybe a little lazy with adulting, but we’re both sort of against the dictated societal norms.  Fuck curtains, lawn ornaments, and socializing with the annoying neighbors.

He has been depressed for quite a while, as I’ve mentioned before.  The good news is that seems to be working through it and participating in more extracurriculars with his squadron.  It’s a nice thing to witness.

Recently, he has been coming home and going straight to bed.  He has green circles around his eyes, and he “just feels like complete ass.”

In the past two weeks he has had to leave work early several days because he feels too ill to stay until the end.  In our 10 years together, he has never called off sick or ducked out early unless one of us had an appointment.

I’m worried.  I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t.  He asked me to be his health guru and put together a magical combo of supplements to make him feel less ass’y.  I told him to make an appointment with his doctor, and then we’ll talk.

I understand his apprehension after watching what I’ve been going through, but I reminded him he’s a dude.  He’ll get better treatment.  Sad for me, huge bonus for him.

Note to caregivers: don’t forget to take care of yourselves!

9 thoughts on “Reminder to the caregiver

  1. I know how hard it is to ignore dirty laundry, especially if it smells. I am proud of you! 🙂 As for your husband’s symptoms, I’m just wondering if he’s suffering from sympathy pains. Like how husbands can sometimes sympathize with their pregnant wives, going through things like nausea and labor pains. Of course, it could just be… life. Because life is hard. But I suppose ya’ll will need a doctor to confirm that it’s not Ebola. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • It started to reach critical mass around week two and I just let it go…what a liberating experience. 😆

      I’m hoping it’s allergies, but I’ve never seen him this bad. They’re in the process of moving into the new hospital, so there’s lots of crap getting kicked up in the process. 60 years worth of dust and mold. If nothing else, he might just need a new inhaler, but either way he needs to go. I’ll run out of allegra for myself if I keep sharing it. Not than I’m greedy or anything.. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oof, sorry Mr. Man is feeling off. I guess it’s too late to try to steer him away from the paint ball. That really takes it out of them. They get their war blood up, hunt, stalk and strike, be struck, start over. I had three paint ballers at home for a while. None of us survived.

    Sounds like he needs some TLC. Movie night? You skip the popcorn. Or maybe he has one of those normal muggle-type diseases you hear about….mono, maybe? He’s just been on a big push with his NCO training (is that what it was?), burning the candle at both ends….anyone’s immune system could go on strike over that. And they’re probably none too sanitary about their ass gaskets in places like that, right?! 😝

    It has to be rough knowing that under “normal” circumstances, you’d be taking care of him the way you want to; but right now it’s all you can manage to take care of your own self-care needs. Glad you’re letting his biohazard pile ferment. In my experience, one of two things happens: 1) They run out of underwear and, cursing, haul a load to the washer. They usually leave them there to ferment some more, and require repeated text message prompts to proceed to the next laundry stage.

    Or, 2) they run out of underwear and go to Penny’s and buy new, and leave the truly untouchable pile to compost properly.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I can’t believe he hasn’t run out of clothes yet. I told him if he can go over three weeks without having to do laundry, he needs to donate some shit. 1 week=3-4 loads. He’s going to have fun when/if he finally decides to do it, then he’ll never do it again because it’ll take two whole days to finish and it’s just not worth it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My home life flows in a similar way between Mr. Mango and I. There are times I feel obligated to go into maid-mode after having to be completely taken care of and there are other times where I have to get him to get his ass into gear and get himself to the doctor because ‘no it’s not supposed to hurt there’. I do agree, our difficulty with the health care system can make it extremely hard for a caregiver to actually think they might get help. As for men in general, they just seem to have their own kinda stubborn don’t they? I hope the Mr. takes your advice and goes and see’s someone and is able to start feeling more like himself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, yes they certainly are stubborn! I drag my feet a little when it’s time to schedule follow-ups because I don’t see the point most of the time, but eventually I do make them. He has his physical health assessment every year, but they don’t do anything unless he has health complaints/concerns. He has plenty of them, but says everything is copacetic. Oy.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Funny how many complaints come out at home when there’s no medical professional to do anything about it yet at any doctors office its all “I’m fine”s and “Everything’s A OK”.


    • He really is a good guy, mess and all. I shared my allergy meds with him and he’s feeling a little better now, so yay!

      I’m trying to take the zen-master no nagging approach. And nose plugs might help 😆


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