Bested by Weird Al Yarnovich

Happy Wednesday, world!

I should be in the hospital for operation ‘bean freedom’, only it was postponed due to some unforeseen cardiac…issues.  There’s more to it, and one day I might talk about it when I’m done being pissed off, but for now I’m going to bitch about craft fiber.

Last year, for my anniversary of being naked in the world for the first time, my Mother bought me a couple of wads of hand-dyed merino/cotton yarn.  One was purple and green, and the other is an ombré turquoise, yellow, and lime green.  Very pretty and delightfully soft.  I say was, because the purple/green pile got thrown in the trash.

I’m accustomed to yarn that comes in neat little bundles called skeins.  It cleanly unwinds itself as you work on your project.  The handmade yarns come in what looks like a twisted breadstick, called a hank.


Meet “Hank”

I had no idea the rules for skeins and hanks are different, so I attempted to work directly from the twisted up mess.  Before I was even 20 rows into my project, it was a pile of knots.  I tried to untwist it,  unwind it, and rectify my mistake, but it was impossible.  The other hank sat untouched for the next 11 months because I was intimidated by it!

First I had to figure out what in the hell the roll type was actually called (thanks google), and then I had to figure out what the hell to do with it (thanks youtube).  Before it can be used, it has to be untwisted, then manually be rolled into a ball.  All 380 yards of it.

She makes it look so easy.  My yarn is super fine intended for socks, compared to the bulky yarn shown.  My ball is no larger than a marble with as much as I was able to unwind.  It’s a fucking rat’s nest!  I’m trying to learn patience, but if I leave my face scrunched up, and my mouth snarled for too long, it’ll stick.  I’m sure of it.  I left the ring of yarn hanging over the doorknob and periodically shake my fist at it.  “You’ve got no balls!  Unwind yourself, you fool!”


Defeated by Hank.  Damn.


14 thoughts on “Bested by Weird Al Yarnovich

  1. Wow….good to know. I work (occasionally, badly) with skeins crocheting sometimes. I’m hopelessly uncoordinated so I haven’t been able to figure out knitting. But the yarn? Hank? looks beautiful! And boo….no more issues =( I’m sorry. We certainly have enough to deal with huh?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m extremely slow, but it relaxes me when I’m not fighting the yarn and it seems to be improving my fine motor skills and grip strength. Productive PT! I found some crochet hooks with fat rubber handles that might be more user friendly for those of us prone to hand spasms. Have you tried them?

      Yes, stupid connected body parts. The dominoes are tipping. How are you doin’? Are your bits and pieces behaving?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m slow too, but I like having something to do while watching tv. I’ll have to look for those. I do better with chunkier yarn and bigger hooks. Yeah…gotta love those muscles that do whatever they want.

        Stupid dominoes. Want me to kick their ass? I’m…doing. I had trigger point injections yesterday and I’m still waiting for the official report, but it looks like the brain tumor might have a buddy now. Meh, whatta ya gonna do?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve never used these before. When I first used embroidery threads I didn’t realise you had to separate the six strands 😉

    Kara, I’m thinking of you, and hoping all goes well with the operation when you are able to go.

    🐻 💜 🐢

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ha, I bet it was tricky to thread the needle! My advice is to avoid hanks, if you ever decide to get into crochet or knitting. I did get it unwound and rolled into a ball eventually. Spread it out on a drying rack and it took about 4 hours to get it all untangled. Whew.

      Thanks! It’s basically just a glorified colonoscopy to open up the strictured portions of my small bowel – had it done in October. Worked well for a while, but it’s not permanent. Can’t wait to eat somewhat normal food again. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. If the yarn had balls then it would be yarn
    The sheep knew what it was doing
    Stick to what you know
    Leave that twisted stuff alone
    Madness is not in the balls
    It’s in your mind
    T h e Sheldon Perspective

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You already have more patience than I do. Even to this day, I only get yarn from my mother after she’s done balling it up nice. Now that I see her less (a very good thing) I don’t get my crocheting fix very often, but I know I would never manage that on my own! Good luck with the operation. Hope everything goes well. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

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