Taming Bridezilla

A long, long time ago, I mentioned I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding on September 30th.

They’ve been planning this thing for 6 months already, and with 3 months to go, Jay is losing her fucking mind.

My wedding was planned and executed in two months.  We didn’t have time to freak out, or even really think about what we were doing.  I wasn’t excited about wedding day.  It was something I had to suffer through before I could begin my new life and drop my old lame-ass surname.  I don’t understand the drive that women have to make it the “perfect” day.  If you’re expecting perfection, perhaps your ideas about marriage are completely wrong.

Somehow, I’m in charge of picking out the bridesmaid dresses.  Dresses aren’t my thing, but I know enough about them to figure out what won’t make us look like oversized sacks of potatoes.

I have to find a dress that can be tried on in a store, nevermind the fact that a dress ordered online can be tried and returned 15 times before it equals the retail price in most formal wear shops.  I found one at David’s bridal and I figured it’d be a good bet since those stores are everywhere.  I sent the link to Jay for approval, and she sent it on to Amy.  Okay, so that was out of the way.

Jay keeps harassing me to go to the store, try it on, and take pictures.  I told her I’d do it when I’m not dying.  Is it really that difficult to take a ride to Waldorf to try on a dress?  Yes.  It is.  She sort of understands, but not really.

Amy went to DB to try the dress, and it’s unavailable in Michigan.  Fine.  She went to try on dresses, and what did she do?  She left after they told her they don’t stock that particular style.  Damn it, woman!  How about trying other shit that you like.   I can wear anything.  She’s the one who just had a baby, she should be picking the dress.

With that one nixed, Jay started freaking out.  I told her not to worry because she has her dress already, and that’s all that matters.  She is fired from worry.   This shit doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme.  She’ll still marry her idiot regardless of what her bridesmaids are wearing.  Of course there was more – the place the boys ordered their tux’s from said they won’t be in until the 28th of September.  What the actual fuck?  When did Michigan become a third world country?  Get that shit someplace else, idiots.

“Pick a dress by tonight! If you don’t find something, I swear to God…..”

Fuck it, I quit.  I can’t be a bridesmaid anyhow.  I’m married, thus negating my maideness. Ha!  Loophole!

This post brought to you by: premenstrual psychosis.  Fueling rants since 1994.

13 thoughts on “Taming Bridezilla

  1. Don’t you realize that this is being televised worldwide
    By Fox didn’t you get the memo
    That this shit is so real that it has taken on a life unto it’s own
    The woman from what I understand is having one cake for the wedding
    And another one casted in plaster so that she can be reminded how important all of this was
    Come on Kara

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t get that mental Perfect Wedding Day, either. The first time I was married in my fave leggings and emerald green jumper (sweater) my mum had knitted me, at a town hall in Dennmark. We had a great meal and I drank much wine beforehand. Next time round (if John behaves himself!) it’ll be a simple affair but I’d like something nice to wear and maybe a new walking stick 😉

    Don’t let it stress you my friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha and THIS is why Mr. Mango and I are common-law. Up here in Canada it’s pretty much the same thing just without the big hala-baloo. He wants some big thing someday, so be it, but if he expects anything extravagant it’s going to be done by a planner and not by me (not to mention neither of us really have any besties anymore to make up the bridal party). Personally I think you did it right, and she’s gone over board. Hope Bridezilla calms down and gives you some peace!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks! We’re working on her. Trying to shift her perspective. I think she has calmed down a little bit, especially after I chatted with her fiance. She needs reassurance and a semi-sane voice of reason. She has been bottling it all up, and isn’t even talking about what’s going on. Then she blows up on her bridesmaids. I can handle it when I’m not pms’ing 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well I think it happens to all us gals at one point or another. Something shakes the carbonated bottle and POP! Glad she’s calmed down and you’re able to handle it all. Bet it will all be worth it in the end!


  4. Yeah I don’t get all the hype of this perfect day either…I did have a nice wedding the first time nice and small what we could afford I tried and looked at two dresses for me picked it out it fit no adjusting and picked the gurls dresses out as well all in one stop and shop and the mens tux…The second marriage lol was even smaller went to the court house when my parents and grandma came to visit me in Missouri …I did enjoy enjoy the courthouse it was simple even less money and like I said just had the family that counted and not all that hoopla…but to each there own…lol….
    Love how you said she will marry her idiot lmfao..gurl gurl gurl lololol
    And you need to take care of yourself and sometimes I wonder if others have a brain when they go overboard with it all …the perfect wedding is a lie lolol..and all that money could be better spent on something nice like a house or what have you….
    take care gurl…try not to worry your pretty head about all that..you are most important …

    Liked by 1 person

    • I found out her Mom is feeding her false information about deadlines, just to make Jay freak out (her Mom is against the marriage), so after I told her only to listen to what Rich and I say, she got a little better. People can be so rotten…her Mom is still invited to the wedding, and I’m afraid of what she’ll do.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha perfect wedding, riiiight…is this going to usher in Matrimonial Bliss and Happily Ever After? Fuuuuuuck. My first wedding got all planned on a weekend camping trip. We wrote the vows; my parents took over from there (much to our chagrin, but it was a good lesson in “kick back and enjoy.”) The wedding clothes came from a theatrical costumer. Fuck bridesmaids. They didn’t get any. Maybe that’s because, no bridesmaids.

    My second wedding took place in my horse barn. My favorite mare was the bridesmaid. She didn’t get any either. No, I did not dress her up. She looked just fine naked. Hell, WE would have been naked too, if not for the Methodist minister (the hospital chaplain: he was handy) and our three guests.

    Oh, maybe that’s why I didn’t stay married–no thousands and thousands of dollars spent on weddings, and months and months of planning! Damn.

    I hope you don’t knock yourself out much.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amen, lady! And yaaaaaaaaay, you’re sorta back!

      I got the dress picked out, it’s approved, and available everywhere for fast ship, which means they stockpile them. My work is done. Now I just have to minimize my contact with crazy-face for the next three months, or exclusively speak with her boytoy regarding wedding stuff.


      • Strong work. Now you just make with the recluse act (yeah, I know, it’s not such a great act to be stuck with. Hey, a federal Social Security judge ruled that I am a recluse! I’m official!!!) Now where was I. Oh yes. I fell off the face of the earth. First I ran out of data, then I went on a magical camping trip on the Mogollon Rim, where there is no cell signal. I’m working on getting a satellite phone….now I’m back in Flagstaff getting dental work done. Bad mood time.


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