A long, long time ago, I mentioned I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding on September 30th.
They’ve been planning this thing for 6 months already, and with 3 months to go, Jay is losing her fucking mind.
My wedding was planned and executed in two months. We didn’t have time to freak out, or even really think about what we were doing. I wasn’t excited about wedding day. It was something I had to suffer through before I could begin my new life and drop my old lame-ass surname. I don’t understand the drive that women have to make it the “perfect” day. If you’re expecting perfection, perhaps your ideas about marriage are completely wrong.
Somehow, I’m in charge of picking out the bridesmaid dresses. Dresses aren’t my thing, but I know enough about them to figure out what won’t make us look like oversized sacks of potatoes.
I have to find a dress that can be tried on in a store, nevermind the fact that a dress ordered online can be tried and returned 15 times before it equals the retail price in most formal wear shops. I found one at David’s bridal and I figured it’d be a good bet since those stores are everywhere. I sent the link to Jay for approval, and she sent it on to Amy. Okay, so that was out of the way.
Jay keeps harassing me to go to the store, try it on, and take pictures. I told her I’d do it when I’m not dying. Is it really that difficult to take a ride to Waldorf to try on a dress? Yes. It is. She sort of understands, but not really.
Amy went to DB to try the dress, and it’s unavailable in Michigan. Fine. She went to try on dresses, and what did she do? She left after they told her they don’t stock that particular style. Damn it, woman! How about trying other shit that you like. I can wear anything. She’s the one who just had a baby, she should be picking the dress.
With that one nixed, Jay started freaking out. I told her not to worry because she has her dress already, and that’s all that matters. She is fired from worry. This shit doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme. She’ll still marry her idiot regardless of what her bridesmaids are wearing. Of course there was more – the place the boys ordered their tux’s from said they won’t be in until the 28th of September. What the actual fuck? When did Michigan become a third world country? Get that shit someplace else, idiots.
“Pick a dress by tonight! If you don’t find something, I swear to God…..”
Fuck it, I quit. I can’t be a bridesmaid anyhow. I’m married, thus negating my maideness. Ha! Loophole!
This post brought to you by: premenstrual psychosis. Fueling rants since 1994.