Preventing Mariticide

There’s a proper word to be used for each member of your family that you murder.  Isn’t that just ducky?

The word of the day is mariticide; the killing of a husband by his wife.  I assume this can be used in same sex marriages as well, to loosely translate into ‘the killing of one married person by his or her spouse’.  Murder is equal opportunity.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently!

I’m not a violent or aggressive person, and I would never kill, let alone physically hurt, another living being.  What’s my secret?  I bitch about the stuff that pisses me off in private.  I rage, and I vent.  If I didn’t have any other way to get it out, who knows what might happen.

My husband, the manchild, really knows how to grind my gears.  I took the Mommy approach and essentially tried to discipline him for his stupidity, but it only led to more frustration on my part because it turned him into an obstinate child.  Yelling at him never did any good either.  Now I rage BEFORE he gets home, so I can be something that somewhat resembles a human being by the time he walks in the door.  It works out much better this way.  Yes, I’m still frustrated, but at least he doesn’t hate me anymore.

I had to set aside some money for my bridesmaid dress and he spent way too much on birthday stuff for me (it was nice, but….you know, $$$), which means we have absolutely NO money to spend on discretionary stuff.  I told him once, and then he bought $60 of bicycle parts.  I told him again, more forcefully, that we SERIOUSLY don’t have money for anything other than necessities like FOOD.  He spent another $60 on a bicycle helmet after I begged him to put the debit card the fuck down!  I asked him “what did I tell you not to do?” and “what did you do?”.  He acted all confused, so I had to spell it out for him.  D-O  N-O-T  S-P-E-N-D  A-N-Y  M-O-R-E  M-O-N-E-Y!!!

He said he ordered the helmet, but it wouldn’t be here until August.  Well genius, the helmet may not arrive until then, but you were already charged for the order.  We technically didn’t have that money until August either.  There goes the grocery budget.  I transferred the dress money back into primary checking and will have to wait until next payday.  Again.  At this rate, I’ll have to go naked.  Here I am, being a martyr again.  Bad Kara!

He’s looking at road bikes, even though we have 4 bicycles already, one of which he spent over $1k on in Alaska and never used.  If he’s planning to ride his bike to work, the mountain bike has a more upright position so it’ll be easier for him to carry a backpack.  I can’t help it I’m so goddamn practical and he’s such an obsessive idiot.  Is it really that fucking hard to use your brain?  According to his actual Mommy, he’s a genius.  An academic genius and a practical MORON.


He was extra cranky while my Mom was staying with us.  I don’t know what his fucking problem is.  She cleans up after herself and entertains herself.  She doesn’t make any demands of her hosts, like the harpy often does.  My Mom is the most pleasant, low-maintenance guest a person could have.

He drove us to Mexico (the restaurant) on Sunday, and that was the last time he spent more than 5 minutes in the same room as her.  He hid out in his truck Monday after work so long that one of the neighbors actually walked over and knocked on his window to make sure he wasn’t trying to commit suicide.  His head was slumped down because he was interwebbing with his mobile device.

When dinner was ready, I’d have to wrangle him from the office or bedroom, he’d grab a plate, and then disappear up the stairs again.  I spend quite a bit of time hiding away from his parents when they stay here, but that’s only because I clash terribly with them and it’s my way of keeping the peace.  He actually gets along with my parents.  They like each other, so what the fuck!  My Mom asked me multiple times if David is upset because she’s staying with us.  I told her that wasn’t the case, but he sure as hell seemed upset about something.

I want to strangle him, but even more than that, I want to understand him.  Learn his language and customs, figure out his weaknesses and exploit them to my advantage.




8 thoughts on “Preventing Mariticide

  1. I love how men can impulse spend to their hearts content…. and then complain a week later when groceries and bills cost “SOOOOO MUCH” and how everyone is now broke. It happens a lot in our house. I blame it mostly on the fact that most of us gals can manage to be stingy when we have to, so they don’t feel the need. I’ve started stashing real cash in various places around the house for those ‘just in case we need a jug of milk or loaf of bread’ times because leaving it in an account and saying leave it alone is useless!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh your poor mom, that is rude of him 😦

    My mum and fiance get on well enough which is just as well as we’re living with her. But I could have killed him yesterday after letting him loose in the chicken shop with my debit card and rather than buy for two, he spent a small fortune…and he wants beer! I wouldn’t care if we weren’t having to count every penny… So, I can emphasise there :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • Some people need actual cash in hand to keep track of how much they spend, because with debit cards, no matter how much it’s used, it remains the same. The pile doesn’t get smaller, and they don’t have to count. I tried to do this with my husband, but he kept the cash and continued to use the card. D’oh!

      He disappeared this morning, in his truck that has been overheating. I can see this turning into a very expensive day. He needs an injection of smarts. 😑

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: De-motivation | Polishing Dookie

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