Murphy, You Asshat!

Welcome to the world in the negative dimension.  My world.  Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Stuff only falls into the toilet while it’s flushing, then the toilet clogs and overflows.

You will drop a container of yogurt on the floor, then watch it explode all over your feet and kitchen.

Your car will have a flat tire on the only day of the week that you actually have some place important to be.

The heat will go out on the coldest day of the year, and the air conditioner will break on the hottest day of the year.

Oh yes, the day that the weather people say to stay indoors in a cooled environment so your body doesn’t spontaneously combust is the day that Murphy prances around your back yard like a fucking imp and pisses demon acid all over the heat pump.  Murphy enjoys watching people who profess a great hatred of summer go up in flames.

One crispy-fried woman, with a side of manchild fritters!

989-trying-to-take-photo-while-person-is-on-fire

 

What’s that?  Ice cream will make me flame retardant?  Intriiiiguing…

13 thoughts on “Murphy, You Asshat!

    • I’ve got a frozen bottle of water for each armpit. It works amazingly well, and that shit’ll wake you up in short order! The maintenance dude showed up at 8, had to go fetch a new capacitor, so I should be back in the simulated arctic tundra by this afternoon. Yaaaaaay! ☃⛄❄

      Liked by 2 people

  1. I as well am living on ice packs tucked all over the place and a gazillion fans blowing all the hot air around. It seems I love summer….until summer is actually here! Hope your AC is fixed ASAP and you can enjoy some time not melting!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Unlike my husband, I can actually sleep when it’s 500 degrees. I just wake up with all of my body parts melted together. He brought a frozen bottle upstairs for me, and stuck it up the back of my shirt when I was already half asleep. 😱Wowowowowow! He was lucky he didn’t get a fist to the face….it’s an involuntary reflex when your body is over 100 degrees and meets something that was in the deep freezer. It was a good idea though, just not directly on my skin. 😆

      Liked by 1 person

      • Youch! I would have been swatting like mad. We have a ton of old band t shirts that work well for wrapping around anything frozen. Never ever ice to skin!

        Like

    • I grew up in Vermont, and the summers were warm, but still very mild. Usually the upper 70’s. We didn’t have or really need AC in our house. My sister lives near Hanover now, just bought a condo (without AC), and is begging for window units as housewarming gifts. It’s much hotter than it used to be “but global warming isn’t actually a thing!”

      The weather in Iceland looks great, so I’m thinking of moving there for temperature asylum. 😄

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Maybe my twin isn’t my twin because you sound exactly like me! I go to make a Gluten Free cake. I have just enough eggs. I think great! Nope. I of course drop one before getting them to the counter. I then thought I would clean the dogs water bowl. Of course the handle on the nozzle that sprays was stuck and I didn’t realize it. The water pressure unsticks it and I spray myself in the face and then turn it away from me soaking the entire kitchen. You would think I would’ve just shut off the water but that would’ve been too easy. I didn’t think of it until everything was soaked. I do these things daily. You should see me drive.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. P.S. I looked in Spam and your comment was in there!! There were others in there too so I approved them. It isn’t my settings but I’m looking into it. I’ve seen other bloggers comment about it on their sites. Thanks for letting me know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think it’s more likely related to the person commenting being flagged as a spammer, usually by accident. No one gets comments from me unless I let them know so they can despam me.

      I originally thought it was a problem with the service that wordpress uses to determine if comment content is actually spam (askimet), but I emailed them and they couldn’t find a problem. So, I have to hope that a person will eventually read and comment on one of my posts, so I can let them know. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

Talk to me, Goose!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s