Welcome to the world in the negative dimension. My world. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Stuff only falls into the toilet while it’s flushing, then the toilet clogs and overflows.
You will drop a container of yogurt on the floor, then watch it explode all over your feet and kitchen.
Your car will have a flat tire on the only day of the week that you actually have some place important to be.
The heat will go out on the coldest day of the year, and the air conditioner will break on the hottest day of the year.
Oh yes, the day that the weather people say to stay indoors in a cooled environment so your body doesn’t spontaneously combust is the day that Murphy prances around your back yard like a fucking imp and pisses demon acid all over the heat pump. Murphy enjoys watching people who profess a great hatred of summer go up in flames.
One crispy-fried woman, with a side of manchild fritters!
What’s that? Ice cream will make me flame retardant? Intriiiiguing…