I’m My Own Best Friend

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I couldn’t help myself.

I am completely comfortable with my own company, and am quite adept at entertaining myself.  It wasn’t always this way.  I felt the need to be out and about with a friend in order to feel like I was having “fun”, then was miserable at home during my off time between work and recreation.

When I started getting sick, I was less able to do all of the things I once enjoyed and it took years to adapt and become a happily inactive person.  Even though I rarely leave the house for the fun of it, I don’t get bored.  The internet is an infinite source of entertainment, from shows, to photography sites, and of course the blogosphere.  If I can’t venture out into the world, the world can come to me.

When the internet goes out, which it does often, I still have plenty of things to keep my mind busy.  Something as simple as listening to my favorite music while coloring, or sitting down with a good book and turning words into pictures in my quirky mind, to crafty stuff like knitting or crochet, anyone who says they’re bored isn’t working that hard at entertaining themselves.

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When I was still able to drive and had energy to spare, I explored my surroundings with a camera in hand.  Amazing photographs can be taken from seemingly normal, every day things.  Like a brick wall, a bus parked in a lot, and even how an iron fence casts its shadow at 3pm.  You don’t need to be an artist to think outside of the box.

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I also enjoy looking at multi-million/billion dollar homes for sale, and weed out the truly amazingly constructed, from the generic overpriced subdivision boxes.  Then I make fun of the former occupant’s furniture and paint choices, because I’m an asshole.

When I get tired of looking at how the upper 1% of the 1% spend their evenings and weekends, I browse photos of abandoned castles and mansions.  There is some striking imagery out there of once grand structures decaying when nature takes over.  It reminds me that humans will only inhabit this planet for a short time, and we’ll all vanish in the blink of an eye.  It’s pretty sobering, but also comforting in a weird sort of way.  What we do doesn’t really matter to the history of the universe, so trying to live and love to the best of our abilities should be enough.

As corny as it sounds, I like to spend a little time each day, without distractions, quietly reflecting on my life.  If my mind is clear, then I know I’m in a good place.  If I find myself being bombarded by negative thoughts, then that means I’ve got some work to do.  The ability to be alone with oneself, and be okay with it, is a good indicator of mental health.  The process of self-acceptance is never ending, and isn’t at all linear.  Any relationship takes a ton of work, and that definitely includes the relationship we have with ourselves.

My husband is still working through some philosophical malcontent, so I terrorize him to take his mind off of his troubles.  He calls me a fungus, but he loves it!

So, tell me, my fabulous humans and mutants, what do you do for fun?

 

24 thoughts on “I’m My Own Best Friend

  1. Cool shots. I’m sitting here trying to think of the things I do for fun… Then I looked up the definition of “fun” on Urban Dictionary… Listened to Carry On by Fun on YouTube (over 62 million views)… And I still don’t know how to answer your question. What’s fun? Do I have fun? I think I’m too old to have fun. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • That works! Music is fun, urban dictionary is fun, tree balls are fun. I guess fun can mean stuff you enjoy spending your time on. 🙂

      “Having a blast” isn’t the level of fun I’m referring to – that’s a foreign concept here. And I refuse to believe you’re too old. As far as I’m concerned, we’re both 28. You’ve just been 28 a bit longer. 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I am still learning how to be an ‘active’ person stuck inside an inactive body. I wouldn’t say it’s boredom… more like perpetual stir-crazy/cabin fever that drives me crazy. Like being a caged wild animal, but in my case, I’m caged with 3 little hellions of my own creation, making it not really alone time very often. I am learning to enjoy doing things the slower way. Walk instead of run or hike or climb, enjoy a lazy day on the beach instead of wind surfing. As for at home it’s the same as always, good tunes cranked, the internet at my fingers (when it’s up and running) and always something I can throw together in the kitchen if I feel the urge. I plan to get back into crafting but I’m pretty sure that will just end up turning into finger painting or big balls of tangled yarn during summer vaycay 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sure I’d be in an entirely different situation if I had minions! I do get the stir-crazy thing, but it’s usually when I’m not in my own environment – like if I spend a few weeks with my parents, or in the hospital. I think having a space in my house that is my very own helps.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You sound a lot like me. I was just telling my youngest the other day I used to be a lot more audacious and outgoing. I didn’t even leave to “go out” until about 9 pm! Now? I watch my shows, I crochet in the winter, color, read, I’m taking an ASL class with my 13 year old right now, I homeschool her so “free time” isn’t a real thing.
    But I refuse to give up my independence and my ability to drive. I can’t. For example, hubs is somewhere hot and sandy right now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Driving would be nice. My car misses me, but the squirrels love their new playground (fuckers). I haven’t driven since August of last year when I picked manchild up at the airport. The doctor told me earlier on the same day that my trip to the clinic was my last time in the drivers seat. Actually, it went something more like “Please tell me you didn’t drive here….” Uhhhh….yes?? “I won’t drive any more after today…I plomise.” I didn’t mention my planned trip to Baltimore. That was a white knuckler.

      I’ve been tempted to give it a go. How much damage can I do when the max speed limit on base is 25mph in the areas I drive through? Worst case, I’d run over a kid but they’re squishy, right? 😉

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      • I just can’t give up driving. My biggest fear would be my neuro doc taking that away from me, and I live out in the boonies so it’s not so easy. Hubs is 13000 miles away right now, and the 13 year old can’t drive. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s quite a predicament. Just don’t tell neuro about seizures or numb feet. If you think you’re safe to drive, it’s probably fine. I actually stopped driving unless absolutely necessary a few months before I was told not to because I had too many close calls.

          What age do kids have to be to get learners permits in MD? Being a passenger in the car with a young person at the wheel might scare that tumor right out of your head!

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          • LOL! I hadn’t thought of that but my oldest lives 10 mins away and her driving hadn’t done it yet. =P
            No seriously numb feet and my seizures are more like absence seizures. Usually I just lock up and can’t speak for a minute or two. If I really, really, REALLY couldn’t drive I’d figure it out. But if I tell you I’m 7 miles north of Pax River, you know how far out in the boonies that is.
            It’s 15 1/2 in Md, but they require drivers ed and a stepped license program. It’s tough!

            Liked by 1 person

  4. Love your drawing! And the photos are all wonderful. You have a fantastic “eye.”

    You’re a lot busier with your time than I am, but I’m a lot older than you 🙂

    I’ve got this lifestyle that I’ve carved out for myself that mostly allows me to be as active as I’m capable of, while also giving me the option to lay up sick if I need to. Living in Nature is soothing to the soul. It’s difficult right now even to open and close doors because of the arthritis pain. Sometimes it’s hard to take Atina out because my belly hurts. I feel bad/glad that she’s sick too, so I don’t have to figure out a way to exercise her. She does get me outside more than I otherwise would.

    Last night I cracked my old banjo, Rosie, out of her case for the first time in months. I plinked around for half an hour. It was delirious, but today I’m paying the Pain Tax 😠

    Great post! You’re so cool 👍👏🍄❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah! You play banjo! Sorry it hurts today. I’ve been dying to get my hands on a mandolin. I love ’em. My coordination isn’t quite what it needs to be to finger chords and pick the right strings, but that doesn’t matter. If Kermit can play the banjo with his muppet mits, I can play a mandolin. We could start our own bluegrass band – the Pain Canyon Cripples! We need to get someone to play fiddle….hmmmm…

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      • Haha! I also play fiddle, when my body will cooperate. I could play with myself! Meh. Anyway, I suggest you try the ukulele. Mandolin is a bitch king. It has double strings, requires a lot of strength, and gives you bloody fingers until you play it enough to get calluses that look like little castles on the tips of your fingers. I used to play mando, but my hands are too weak now. Fucking chronic disease!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

          • Ha! Good idea, with the guitar. Say, why not just play it six or eight hours a day? Hell, my first boyfriend, who taught me to play the banjo, used to sit in front of the TV drinking beer and practicing runs and licks for solos, for hours and hours. Drove me nuts. But the SOB was a guitar, banjo, mandolin, fiddle and bass monster! One of those people who can just pick up any instrument and play it.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. How I wish I could feel content in my loneliness. I’ve felt alone since I was 12 even though I was surrounded by people. When I’m alone, thoughts spin repeatedly through my mind. The same ones over and over. For awhile I made jewelry to distract myself, then photography, now coloring. It’s getting harder to leave the house without a lump forming in my throat. Just thinking about doing my hair and finding something to wear is exhausting. I’m trying to force myself to get out of the house. Tomorrow I promised myself I would and told my dad to remind me. lol Just writing this has me sweating and butterflies in my stomach.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I go through periods of severe depression – when doing nothing or not being 100% distracted will send me into a very dark free fall. I’ve been on all of the anti-depressants, and nothing worked as well as therapy, straight up, sans pills. I had to go through a few therapists before I found one I clicked with. She was a social worker, and it seems all of my favorite ones have been social workers. Psychologists suck. They’re far too clinical. 😉 Now I’m good at managing my shit most of the time, because all of the negative stuff I’m thinking is just noise. I contradict it, or let it slide off. It’s not easy, and sometimes I’m better at it than others. We’re only human. 🙂

      I felt out of place too! I think it’s because I was trying to act ‘normal’ around my peers, which made me feel completely alone. Now, I really don’t care. I’m myself, and it turns out that’s not really a bad thing. Anxiety is a bitch, but the only way to overcome it is to desensitize yourself. I used to literally vomit in parking lots before going into a store by myself. That was delightful!

      Liked by 2 people

  6. When I first started getting sicker and had to start limiting my time going out and doing things it drove me crazy. I didn’t like being alone. I wasn’t that comfortable with me I guess.
    Now that I’ve been basically housebound for a few years I like my solitude. I don’t like having others in my space. Except for hubby, I really like him around a lot. 🙂
    I’ve had someone around a lot recently and it makes me so irritable, stressed, sad, angry…I’m all full of bad things, there haven’t been any good emotions coming from this.
    What I do for fun. Things I do for self-care. I watch funny movies, read funny books, take baths, cuddle with my furry babies, play with my dog, cuddle with my hubby, draw, blog, read blogs, text my friends, discover new things. Yes the internet means a lot to me. So does the TV. (I hate to admit the later)
    I’m not lonely.
    I like being alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, yes, I was sort of anti-TV before Kara 3.0. Now I will binge watch entire series. It’s not the worst habit I could have. 😉 I love your drawings! You’ve got talent! Don’t know if my comments on your posts have made it through or not. WordPress has a tendency to chuck my stuff directly into spam. Either way, solitude is wonderful! I hope you get a break from the extra people soon!

      Like

  7. Read your blog, play with the kids, walk the pooch, take a family hike, write, binge on Netflix, take the fam to the movies, crafts, coloring, the possibilities are endless. Free fun is best, and fits the frugalista way of life too. And ice cream. 🙃😊🙃

    Like

    • WordPress has it out for me! It still thinks my comments on other blogs are spam. I don’t even like mystery meat. I’ve also noticed that it randomly un-follows people I follow, or it says that I’m not following them, but I still see their posts in the reader. It’s bizarre.

      Thanks Sheldon! I’ll see what I can get my left hand to do with the pencils….or if I can find my oil pastels in a box somewhere.

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