Synchronized Barfing

Mr. Man left for work this morning, and he was sniffling so much, it sounded like he was crying.  I felt so weird and full of funk at 7am, I couldn’t even manage words to say the usual “good day love you bye”, so asking him about the drippy snot could not have been done without making him late for work, or hiring a translator.

My last meal was to be consumed by 9am this morning, so I broke my own rule and had some yogurt with frozen strawberries that my Mom left in our freezer.  Colonoscopy prep’ rules #1 and #5, avoid seedy things and limit dairy.  If it’s all you got, it’s what you eat.

280x157-wns

I have a complicated history with strawberries.  Starting about 4 years ago, I’d get super sick after eating them.  Say it ain’t so!  It can’t be the strawberries!  I blamed the flax seed in my oatmeal concoction so I tested flax separately, and bam, blaaaaaaarg.  So, flax seeds=no good.  I tried the strawberries by themselves, and one hour later, blaaaaaaarg.  Then a dozen times after that, just to be really super sure that strawberries are death berries.  Yes, you can stop testing this any time now, darlin’.  It’s abundantly clear your stomach don’t want nonna that.

When Mom asked if she should leave the strawberries, I told her I can’t eat them, and manchild probably won’t eat them.  She forgot, like she does, and I saw those bright red frosty beauties skulking in their Ziploc prison.

“Liberate us, Kara!  We’re delicious!  We were picked at our peak of ripeness by faeries!”

Okay, fine.  I picked out about 8 of the smallest berries, and dropped them in the bowl. Nom nom nom.

And most of the morning and early afternoon saw me on the toilet, purging out of both ends.  Gross.  Disgusting.  Miserable.  This probably isn’t a good thing.  I fell asleep around 1 and got up a little before 4 with that distinct feeling of fuck, I’m sick-sick.  Standing up sent my heart rate climbing the endless staircase until it made my vision fade and my face twitch, so, I spent the entire day in and around bed, drinking the most disgusting water ever deemed potable out of the bathroom sink.  Fucking faeries.

evil-strawberry-cake

Manchild got home at his usual time and stood in the doorway.  His eyes were sunken in, his shoulders were slumped forward.  He asked me how I was feeling today, in a way that seemed like he was looking for insight into why he felt like hell too.

He got sick today at work around 10, which is about the time I started to evacuate the last food I’m allowed to eat for the next 2.5 days.  He said he spent too much time in the bathroom (check), and his hands started to swell up (uh, nope, my hands are as bony as usual).  He thinks it was the weird gatorade he bought, or something he ate yesterday.

I have fever, he doesn’t.  We haven’t eaten the same thing since the fudge rounds ran out a week ago, so either we both poisoned ourselves at the exact same time, we both caught the same bug and it’s having less of an effect on him, or we’ve been living together so long, he’s on the same “cycle” as me.  Haaaaa.

19 thoughts on “Synchronized Barfing

  1. Nooooo not the strawberries! I totally believe in sympathetic pain (either that or Mr. Mango has a knack for extra drama at m worst moments). Well, in terms of getting the flu or some such before everything you’re about to be stuck going through, it being some berries might actually be the better chance. Still a shitty thing to go through no matter what. Hope your stomach settles down and you manage to make it through the next 2.5 days :S

    Liked by 1 person

    • Danke, and I knooooooow! I love strawberries! I keep hoping we’ll be cool again one day so I can eat those delicious little bastards by the handful. I’ve tried to figure out some of my food sensitivities, but I’m lost. I thought it might be a histamine issue, as strawberries are particularly high in histamine, but so is coffee and chocolate…and wine. I don’t have the same problems with those. That’s not to say some issues with them don’t exist, but definitely not to the same extent. The day I have to stop drinking coffee and eating chocolate, is the day I lose my sense of humor.

      If it is just the strawberries, all should be right in the world by tomorrow. This fever may just be the same fever that comes and goes for the hell of it, and hopefully they don’t turn me away at the door because of it.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I miss strawberries. It’s those damn seeds. I wish I could peal a strawberry. Well, I suppose you could, at least take all the seeds off. Sounds like a lot of work. Chocolate is easier.

    Sometimes, dude, I think you torture yourself on purpose. I know the feeling. Sometimes, instead of a Dilly Bar, I get a Buster Bar, which has nuts. Frozen nuts. Oh my god, do I pay for that. I suppose I could remove all the nuts. Sounds like a lot of work. Time for a Dilly Bar. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      • I admit, it’s hard for me to empathize. I’ve only thrown up like 3 times in my whole life. I think my head told my stomach that it was in charge. Probably held a gun to its head. So, my stomach behaves most of the time. Which is why it’s gotten so big. On the other hand, I think my head is shrinking. 😀

        I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. Seems like bud would really help. And you wouldn’t have to digest it. I recently read that the FDA just approved a liquid version of Marinol. Maybe that would help. Although Zofran helped my nausea (from Oxy) more than Marinol.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Have any of you tried Apple Cider Vinegar and water to settle your stomachs? The kind with ‘the mother,’ which is the nasty floaty stuff in the bottle. It works like a charm. Beats zofran, prevacid, tagament, Compazine…it’s kind of crazy, but it works.
    Just sayin’. I hope you feel better for the photo shoot. At least you’ll know you are running on empty.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have the funky ACV, it’s the only kind I buy! I’ll have to try it out sometime for gut rot, I actually love the way it tastes. Someone else recently told me she uses ACV for her gallbladder pain and it works. Think ACV will grow me a money tree too? It seems to do everything else. 🙂

      I also have a dormant kombucha scoby…a big mama too. I haven’t done anything with it yet (my husband thinks I’m trying to murder him with it…pansy).

      Yep, I most certainly am empty. They’re gonna get some bootiful pictures this time! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

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