I’ve been sitting here for twenty minutes staring at a blinking cursor. Do you know how difficult it is to describe a two day hospital stay and an enteroscopy in a fun and exciting way? I can’t do it. It can’t be done. Lists are easy, so I’ll go with that. Laaaazy wriiiter, why dontcha tell it like it is? Why dontcha tell it like it really is?
-I dropped my wireless cardiac monitor into the toilet, received a new one and pondered how many times that one had been dunked into turd water before being repaired, then given to me. Don’t ask, don’t tell.
-My overnight nurse was mighty hunky, so it’s even more tragic that I was on the toilet most of the first night stinking up the ENTIRE east wing. At least he’ll remember me.
-I only had to stop at a bathroom once while en route to the GI clinic. Sphincter power!
-I let a total stranger stick a balloon up my butt. It’s an exercise in trust and the power of sedatives.
-Crohn’s is still rocking out in both ileum and colon. My colon is angrier (linked video is out of season, but very very funny) than it was during my previous exam. Simmer down, pal.
-I got an MVI and a B12 shot. Liquid energy for my red stuff.
-I tried to steal a Red Cross therapy dog. Again.
-Cimzia is being scrapped in favor of Remicade and Mesalamine
-After 6 months of a FUO, they’re blaming Crohn’s. Makes sense.
-My nephrologist kept me one extra night to monitor my kidney function, then tested my AV fistula Friday morning at her clinic. I got my CVC removed, which was a whole ordeal in itself. One cannot simply yank a catheter out.
Overall, it went about as well as it could. The gut man was able to work on dilating two accessible strictures, and the whole thing was done in about an hour. I’m extremely sore, which is different from my last experience where I felt a little discomfort that seemed to go away within hours. I’ve got more scar tissue now, which probably made the process a bit more….violent. It feels as though I’ve been kicked in the gut. Repeatedly. I’ve been told this pain is normal and should go away after a few days. Will this help me eat burritos? Will the new pharmaceutical combo work? Only time will tell.