Sorry, sorry, sorry

Sleepless nights are the best.  There’s still officially one hour and some odd minutes of daylight more than darkness each day, but nights seem so much longer.  It doesn’t matter what time of year it is.

I’ve been chatting with a Blowhio friend on FB messenger, and I find myself apologizing frequently thanks to my excessive whining.  I really just need to disconnect.  I shouldn’t be allowed to communicate with real live humans while in my current state.

I don’t think I’ve felt this rotten since last year.  Not even during the springtime appendicidal renal abscess bodily fustercluck.  I’m not going to try to justify, rationalize, or even hypothesize why.  I don’t care.  I just want to frickin’ sleep.  Vamoose with the sleep caboose!

My dear manch is not a happy boy.  I must look like a hideous beast when I feel as though I’m about to experience the true death.  You know that “well, you don’t look sick..” that’s the most strangely offensive compliment a person can give?  That’s usually me.  I’m sick, and I look passable while doing it.  Or being it.  Whatever.

Tentative plan: go in for dialysis tomorrow/today as scheduled, evaluate death status following.  Hope for slightly less death.  Show up at my PCM’s door at the appointed time on Monday.

Contingency plan: fuck all that and allow husband-type to drop me off at emergent care on his way into work like he has been trying to do since Monday.

Backup plan: no, and nope.  Take a handful of benadryl and see how long I can sleep.

Actual plan: listen to Muse and Radiohead until my brain blows up.

15 thoughts on “Sorry, sorry, sorry

  1. It seemed like talking about insomnia made it worse, so I stopped talking about it. But most days, I can’t think of anything I love more than sleep. Soft, luxurious, sleep. And when I do get to sleep, upon awakening, my first thought is always “fuck.” Then I go to the bathroom, sometimes grab a snack, and try to go back to sleep. Finally I say to myself, well, it looks like you’re awake. Might as well get up. The End. πŸ™‚

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad, but I don’t have any medical advice for you. Because you’re smarter than me. However, because I know so much about being married, I would advise you to send your significant other some flowers. Sunflowers. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

        • It’s true: revenge is sweet. But that’s not much revenge for something as shitty as shit all over your patio. If it was me, I’d shovel all that shit right back into their yard. If that’s too taxing, just shovel it into a garbage bag. Then, when the bag is full, put a big, red ribbon around it and leave it on their doorstep. The sign could say something like, “Happy Birthday from your neighbors.”

          Alternatively, you could report them (and their little dog, too) to the Department of Health as a public health hazard. Or make some big signs for your yard, like “Any dog who poops on my property will be shot.” Take photos of the dog pooping on your patio and post them to your blog. Then one of the signs can say, “Dogs who poop on my property will be shamed on my blog at…”

          Gosh, I could come up with ideas like this all day. πŸ™‚

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Nothing like a crap ton of sleepless nights on top of already feeling like shit. I always find lack of sleep is the culprit for my attitude adjustment issues more than anything else and unfortunately its a common problem. I used to spend hours trying to distract myself with TV or video games but I found that it made it worse or at least didn’t help. Now it’s some herbal treatment and an attempt at candy crush (or something stupid like it) that my brain doesn’t really care if I fall asleep during. At the very least I fall into a kind of painful and weary daze where I stay awake and play songs in my head. I hope you do manage to make it into your appointments or that manchild is able to convince you to attend emerg, while benadryl seems legit…. that plan never seems to work as well as it should. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ah sleep. It only wants to come around when you don’t want to sleep. As soon as it’s time to sleep, well, we aren’t sleepy any more. What’s up with that?
    I admit sleep has been finding me at a decent time recently but I remember those days when it just wouldn’t come unless it was in the middle of the day. sigh.
    Don’t you h-a-v-e to go to dialysis or really feel like death is near, because it is?
    I hope you feel better, all kinds of ways.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s the truth! For some reason, I’m only able to sleep after the sun comes up, which is annoying for multiple reasons. My body temp is at its lowest mid-AM, so my neuropathic pain levels go down enough that I can sleep through it. I suppose that was the issue, but now it’s this GI funk that has me rushing to the bathroom at all hours. Dialysis isn’t technically optional – yet – my kidney function was on the rebound. I get in deep doo-doo (and feel like actual doo-doo) if I happen to cancel. If it ain’t one thing, it’s another! πŸ™‚

      Like

      • always one thing then another. Or many things all at once. Seems like you are being hit with that now.
        I have a good friend who is on dialysis, he has no kidney function, I don’t know if you feel the same as he does, but it’s very draining. And has his sleep patterns all off wack. He just sleeps when he can. Right now I suggest you do the same. Just sleep when you can and worry about getting things back on track later. You are dealing with a lot. And you can’t even use your yarn fetish to help. πŸ™‚ You’ve been doing it haven’t you? You were working on that blanket for longer than you should have, I just know it. :-O

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