No Vacancy

My barometer still works great!  My nasty, fucked up ankle warned me of an approaching thunderstorm.  Currently, the skies are darkening and Thor is getting ready for a throwdown.  Cool.  This is a good trick to have if we happen to be in a position to go camping.  Nothing is worse than a soggy sleeping bag when you forget to zip up the vents on the top of the tent.  Nothing, except maybe a sleeping bag full of spiders, or a hungry bear who waits in hiding by the toilet pit.  Silly bears.

The bad news is that Whiz’s food supply has almost entirely metamorphosed into winged flying critters.  Refrigerated moths are much easier to deal with than hopping crickets, but she doesn’t seem all that excited about eating them in their non-grubby state.  Likely because moths are more difficult to catch than overweight worms.

Also, nearby lodging doesn’t have any vacancies.  You know what this means.  The evil is also arriving a day earlier than anticipated.

The only thing I’ve done for the greater good was taking out the trash and scraping together a roasted vegetable and chicken saute with plenty of leftovers to feed the MC.  My efforts count for something, but not enough.  The Christmas tree is still out and at this point, I think I should just leave it because December is right around the corner.  There are still a bunch of storage totes that need to find their way back out to the garage, which can’t happen until I clear a space for them.  Holy hell, so much crap.

I have to do that before I think about attempting to dust and mop, which both need to be done in a bad way.  It smells fairly earthy in here, which is a kind way to say my house is really fucking dirty.  I have my timeline all planned out (organize tomorrow, clean earrrrrly Friday) and I have to attempt a solo trip to the grocery store tomorrow evening to get foods that invaders might like to eat as well as some cleaning chemicals.  I’m trying to pace myself as to not irritate my innards, so while I have high expectations that I’ll be able to complete these tasks within the allotted time frame, I can do some cleaning AROUND the aliens if I’m not finished before they arrive.  Company or not, it needs to be done.

I got an offer to go RV camping with my parents in Vermont, and as awful as it sounds to be trapped inside of a tiny trailer with them for two weeks, being trapped here with the alien family sounds worse.  I have a responsibility to stick around and be the only semi-sane person here.  By the time I’d feel comfortable leaving him, my peeps will already be on their way back to Ohio.  Let me reinforce how odd it is that I’d rather spend time with my Dad than put up with MC’s Mom.

Actually, I’d rather fuck off anywhere far far away from all of these people and take a nice, long vacation, but I’m not letting my fantasies run away with me.  Yet.

I’ve moved slightly past the freak out stage and onto acceptance that the next two months of my life are going to require large amounts of fermented grape juice and therapy.  Simultaneously.  CBT – cognitive bordeaux therapy.


20 thoughts on “No Vacancy

          • Have you seen that photo of Obama and Putin? Where Obama is looking down at him like, don’t fuck with me, dude. You’ll be sorry if you fuck with me. Please practice that face in the mirror. Then, pretend like you’re Obama. The President. I mean, you are the president of your own home, right? And the president has certain powers, including deporting citizens that piss him off…

            Dude, she’s your MIL, not the devil. Maybe you put up with her shit in the past, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it now. Make all women across America proud. Don’t let her get under your skin.

            Liked by 1 person

            • Ya know what? You’re right. The worst that can happen is that she’ll refuse to talk to me and talk shit about me to everyone she knows (that happened the last time I challenged her). Not having to listen to her talk is appealing. I’m prepared for a falling out, because I’m tired of being “pleasant” just to keep the peace. I gotta stick up for myself. And clean.

              Liked by 1 person

              • I like it when people talk shit about me. Makes me look a lot fiercer than I am. But I’m gonna suggest something… please don’t have a heart attack…

                Ya’ll need to find something more in common than Heart Failure Dude. She’s a woman, so that’s a start. Maybe she likes to knit? If you could find common ground, maybe you’d find it easier to remain there. However…

                If it were me, I’d ask her how she would feel if I treated her the way she treats me. If I said bad stuff about her behind her back. If I talked about how she’s not good enough for her husband. Turn the tables. No one wants to see their bad behavior parroted back at them, but sometimes, that’s what it takes.

                And always remember: She’s not better than you. You’re not better than her. You are… wait for it… EQUALS. 🙂

                Liked by 2 people

                • 😮

                  About the only thing in common we had was food, and she started asking me for recipes. That felt good. But now I can’t eat, so we’re back to square one.

                  My Mom called her last night to check in and see how she’s doing. Her professional, slightly biased opinion is that mc’s Mom is at the cognitive developmental equivalent of a teenager. I’m a 10 year old, so whatever. It’s true though. She does act like a catty, vindictive high school girl. Teenagers are shitheads.

                  I’ve been working on her for 10 years and I’ve yet to find a planet on which she enjoys my company. She’s one of two people I’ve ever known who don’t like me unless my brain is on mute. The other is his sister. Some things aren’t meant to be. I think he was switched at birth.

                  Liked by 1 person

      • Eeeew. I’ve had several infestations with Egyptian Meal Moths and had to throw everything out. Back when I had a real freezer, I used to pop everything I bought that could possibly harbor eggs into the freezer for a couple of days. Actually I ended up leaving most of my grains in the freezer kind of permanently. Never had to throw the entire pantry out again. I just wrote a sentence suggesting what you might have for dinner when your MIL is over, or what SHE might have, but erased it on second thought. I don’t want to be implicated in a…well,I don’t know if it’s a CRIME to have something exotic on the menu…not the lizard!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. You can’t make people like you. But just out of pure curiosity, I would ask her: Why don’t you like me? Be blunt, dude. It always surprises people, and sometimes, they even answer honestly. Because life is too short to have to worry about this kind of stuff.

    By the way, do you have a t-shirt with “The Boss” written on it? If not, just use a white t-shirt and a magic marker. Put the shirt on for her arrival and don’t take it off until she leaves. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Not much doesn’t feel at least a tad better after a glass of grown up grape juice….well, as I’ve found other than a migraine FYI. What ever coping methods to handle the extra housework and then the dreaded house guest, I promise we won’t judge. If you’re anything like me though you need someone to yell out reminders to REST and PACE YOURSELF!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I calculated that most of the house hasn’t been cleaned for at least a year. Since my Mum was last ambulatory (she died in October). Yesterday I cleaned a substantial part of the kitchen (to stop poisoning). The day before Dad realised that his itching might be due to his room being disgusting and changed his sheets. I hoovered my room for the same reason in July. I have to get the floor cleared in the kitchen cleared before Winter and the mice come in…

    Liked by 1 person

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