Things I’d Rather Do

In preparation for the upcoming in-law invasion, I tried to look on the bright side.  They won’t be here forever, and they’ll be staying in a hotel.  This is as amazing as it is awesome.  Still, I have to spend time with the Harpy and there are plenty of things I’d rather do than spend a day or two with IT.

insatiableharpyb

-I’d rather be stuck in traffic for three hours on the beltway with no music.

-I’d rather go clothes shopping (I hate shopping for clothes).

-I’d rather be an insect repellant tester and sit in a tiny room full of millions of mosquitos.

-I’d rather swallow a bunch of hornets.

-I’d rather squirt habanero hot sauce into my eyes.

-I’d rather get a divorce.

-I’d rather drink bowel prep every single day for the rest of my life.

-I’d rather rip my toenails off.

-I’d rather vote for Trump.

-I’d rather talk to my neighbors.

-I’d rather wear a dress made out of fish sticks.

-I’d rather dive into a kiddie pool full of hornworms.

-I’d rather eat a 10 year old shoe, worn without socks by a spicy italian man.

-I’d rather spend an entire day with my Dad.

-I’d rather be in a coma.

i-d-rather-slip-into-something-more-comfortable-like-a-fucking-coma

 

 

13 thoughts on “Things I’d Rather Do

  1. Weird…..I have the music from the Wizard of Oz stuck in my head….

    Are you SURE your MIL and my MIL aren’t two halves of the same whore…I mean whole? Because I’m pretty sure I could dump a bucket of water on her and get rid of her.
    I prescribe a watching of Deadpool. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • LOL! I think all terrible monster in-laws are like hydra heads, but when they get cut off from the body, they don’t die. They grow into the judgmental demons we know and love to rage against. If I make her watch Deadpool WITH me, that might do the trick. 😄

      Liked by 2 people

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