Day 3: Apologies

I internalize a buncha shit.  When someone is nasty to me, I don’t react.  I tuck it away into a deep corner of my mind where it spreads like wildfire.  This is great for avoiding conflict, but terrible for my mental health.  Talking about it after the fact is the best way for me to deal with it since it prevents the massive emotional explosions that would likely happen otherwise.

Sometimes being a buoy in a stormy sea pays off.  Which is to say, keeping my mouth shut and being non-reactive isn’t always a bad thing.

Example: I’ve been the target of all sorts of nastiness since the Harpy arrived, yet I pretend it bounces right off and doesn’t affect me.  This is obviously far from the truth, but she doesn’t know that.  

Today the invaders went to Sam’s Club and when they returned, Harpy came into my room, closed the door, and her eyes started to tear up.  She apologized about being snappy and nasty.  It’s not fair that she’s taking her anger, anxiety and frustration out on me when I’ve been nothing but wonderful.  She admitted to being ashamed to cry, that she’d rather be pissed off.  

I told her crying is perfectly acceptable and is way more beneficial than tearing other people down to make herself feel better, and I do understand what she’s going through because I’m going through the same thing.  He’s not my son, but I do love the bastard an awful lot.

23 thoughts on “Day 3: Apologies

  1. Looks like the Harpy might have a soul somewhere in there. I hope it manages to be some weird awkward bonding moment in where she isn’t as horrid anymore….or at least that it gives you a few days break while she remembers that you both are supporting the same guy.

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  2. I think it’s kind of impressive that she finally felt she could let her feelings out to you. I’m not saying it’s going to magically change her but baby steps. I felt it in my chest when I was reading it. It was probably hard for her and maybe a little uncomfortable for you? I’ve never had a relationship so I have to go by what I witness around me and movies. ADVICE: Don’t go by the movies! lol I also internalize everything that’s said to me. I “swallow it down” until the lump in my throat is so big I can’t eat. At this point anything can happen. Hence my being kicked out of my sister’s house by my brother in law. Things fester and simmer until eventually they will come out. I’m happy you had this moment I hope it’s a start to a better relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I occasionally see glimmers of hope with her, like there’s an actual human in there somewhere. It’s rare. She called me an invalid today. Smooth.

      Dear Darie, keep blogging! Writing to get it all out is the only reason I’m not in therapy right now. Although after this shit, I may need to be committed. πŸ˜†

      Liked by 2 people

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