Days 4&5, No Escape

After a half day at the hospital with the invaders, it occurred to me that the only way for this to end without me being institutionalized in some way is to leave and let the assholes take over.  They’d love nothing more than that.  I’d love nothing more than to get the fuck out of this mess.

I was planning my escape in my head.  I could stay with him through surgery and his hospital stay, then when it’s time to come back to this place the first week of October, I’d leave.  Let the house be free of bickering between Harpy and it’s rightful female resident.  This is my house, but I’m not welcome in it because I disagree with nearly everything she says.  It must be rough to be wrong that often.  As the days pass, I’m having a more difficult time biting my tongue.  Yesterday was a free for all on that front and I hope that’s out of my system for a while.

She says he’s cognitively slow.  He doesn’t talk much and it takes him forever to reply, with his replies normally being short.  Getting him to hang curtains when they visited in December shouldn’t have been that difficult.  Like it was too much for his brain to process.  

“Uh, I call it being a man.”

He won’t do anything unless he’s told to or if it’s something he actually wants to do.  Yes, his heart isn’t 100%, but with the exception of his energy levels, nothing has changed.  She said I wouldn’t notice because I’m not as quick or perceptive.  Ha!

I can’t stand to listen to her talk.  Even more if she thinks she’s repeating something a doctor said, or anyone else for that matter.  Her brain deranges what she hears and it comes out completely wrong.  Fuck trying to correct her, because that results in 10 minutes of her illogically proving herself “right” while throwing in random insults about my intelligence.  I’m clearly too simple to understand these things.

I can’t keep my shit together for the next few weeks.  It’s impossible.  He doesn’t need two insane women here fighting with each other constantly.  He needs peace and quiet.  He can’t have me crying and venting to him about how awful his Mom is, but half of that I can’t help.  I was trying to keep my freak-outs private to reduce the emotional burden on him.  He’s going through enough right now!

I voiced my concerns and my offer to take off a couple of weeks after surgery so he can have his room to himself and have a little less insanity going on around him.  His eyes got huge, and he told me to stop talking about that.  He NEEDS me here to counteract his bitch Mom and to stick up for him, even if it means I end up being hated by his family in the process.  It won’t effect the way he feels about me.

I don’t know how I’ll get through this.  The assaults are sinking in and I’m beginning to hate myself.  Perhaps I am a stupid invalid.  Perhaps everyone in both families would be better off if I were permanently removed from the planet.  It’s tragic that I default to absorbing all blame and see my expiration as the ultimate gift of kindness to the people in my life and ultimately myself.  I suppose this means I wasn’t doing as well mentally as I thought.  I was barely coping with my own shit and manchild’s shit before they showed up.  

It’s a balancing act on a tightrope 2,000 feet above ground.  It’s a long way to fall and it will happen in the blink of an eye.

Today is a “me” day.  I’m crying it out in the dark as needed, behind a closed door.  In bed.  With a bag of chocolate chips.  I hope I can get a net thrown down before it’s too late.

14 thoughts on “Days 4&5, No Escape

  1. You need to prepare some good comebacks. Words you can use no matter what she says. I would go for honesty, like: When you talk to me like that, you make me feel stupid. Do you think I’m stupid? Is that why I married your son? Because I’m stupid?

    But I guess you’d want to be funny and sarcastic: If your son was gay and I was a man, would you still treat me this way? What do you have against women? Have I ever told you about the time that we: hosted an orgy, were visited by aliens, played pin-the-tail on your son’s dick? Did you know that I was Queen of the World in another lifetime? Have you ever thought about shaving your head?

    This is not about her. This is about keeping yourself entertained while being visited by the devil. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • I had a nice long chat with my Mom, and that woman is a saint. She brought me back to the surface of earth. I also talked to my Dad, although not quite as helpful, hearing “that insufferable bitch needs to work on her social skills” was entertaining. Especially coming from him, who happens to be the male version of Harpy. Oh well, it’s the evil I know.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Take that “me” day to reflect on things and situations…and maybe have some good come backs that can be used like “If my dog had your face, I’d shave it’s ass and teach it to walk backwards.” but then again, that might not work in your situation…but t is a good one πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Bet a glass of tall dark and vino would go good with those chocolate chips. Its horrible how someone can get so under our skin that our tolerance becomes absolutely zero and somehow they make us feel like absolute shit even though we rationally know we have worth somewhere, somehow. I know what works for with my own mother is constantly saying in my head “I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” Legit, over and over when I’m stuck on the phone or in person listening to her gab on. At the very least, it stops me from saying anything worse out loud and making the situation even more volatile. Then again pankills2 has a good point… some epic one liners to kill her on the spot may be in order.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think a silent mantra is a brilliant idea. In all other situations, I’d just cost off contact with a person if they happened to be this awful. Unfortunately, this isn’t an option – unless she pisses him off so badly that he gets himself disowned. Four years ago she didn’t talk to him for 6 months because he bought a motorcycle even though he knows how she feels about them. I think it’s time for a Triumph.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Stop blaming you. You are not the one who needs to be removed from the situation. You are his wife! It is your home! If someone needs to be reminded of this fact, then remind her. Let her know that man child wants you there and needs you and you will be there for him. If she wants to play nice she can stay. If not then hit the door.
    and yes I would say that. I know you are too nice to do so. Afraid it will cause too much hurt for man child. He needs calm and quiet now. She needs to be told that all this arguing is not good for his health. So back off bitch.
    You can probably find nicer ways to tell her things than I can, but you need to stand up to this woman. The strife between all of you is going to be felt by man child even if it isn’t in his presence. Be kind to yourself. Let what she says roll off your back. You are stronger than she is. You have been through much more shit and you still smell pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Day 5, Act 2 | Polishing Dookie

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