Day 6: Stoicism

There’s nothing smart or admirable about being stoic.  Sorry to burst your pride-bubble.  It means you’re more likely to do things that aren’t in your best interest in order to save face.  I admire the people who aren’t afraid cry it out in public or tell others that they’re having a shitty day without feeling remorseful afterward.  Maybe you get labeled as a whiner, but at least the assholes know that you’re having a difficult time so maybe they’ll be a little less assholish.  Hahahahajajajaja, just kidding!  Assholes are assholes no matter what.

It was a VERY long day and by the end of it I was dragging several hundred feet behind the old fatties, on the verge of crying like a huge baby because I was SO exhausted and in SO MUCH pain.  I didn’t say a word.  I dragged my dead leg behind me and kept pushing forward, while my heart was pounding so fast I had virtually no peripheral vision because my field of view and even my hearing had been completely murdered by the POTS.  After stumbling out to the parking garage eight hours after we arrived without collapsing, I’m more inclined to believe in miracles.  Because it was one.

“You can’t complain.  You can’t make this about you because you can’t handle dealing with bitchface today.  You can make it.  Just 5,000 more steps.”

During all of my attempts to be stoic and selfless (like a dumbass – I’m lucky I didn’t fall and crack my skull open), Harpy managed to nearly get herself tossed out of a moving vehicle, granted we were only traveling at about 20mph most of the way home.  Round things roll.

SHSOTD (stupid Harpy shit of the day):

One) When she wants attention she sighs loudly.  It’s the sort of sigh, if coming out of a normal person, might make you ask them what’s wrong, except she exaggerates it to the point that it makes me want to pop her head like a giant zit.  She does it’s all of the fucking time.  Instead of asking for what she wants, she sits there and sighs while staring at the person she wants something from.  Maybe that person can translate her sighs into English to discover what the fuck it is she wants.  It’s childish.  And even more than that, it’s fucking annoyiiiiiiiiing.  We were on the way home in rush hour traffic and I am so thankful I had my headphones with me, because if I had to listen to her sigh one more time, I would have reached up, popped open the door, then bounced her ass out onto the highway.  Music soothes the savage beast.  So does the mental image of her bouncing down the freeway.

Two) My parents offered to take over caregiving responsibilities when the In-laws are due back to Ohio in a little less than three weeks, or at least FIL has to leave then.  If my parents are here, he can take bitchface with him.  Nothing would make me happier.  I tossed this info her way yesterday.  She snapped at me and said we have no idea what’s going on with manchild yet, so she’s not going to make any plans.  Fast forward to today, she wants him to make plans to travel back to Ohio after his post-op appointment so he can finish his recovery back “home”.  He’s not a fan of the idea, because STERNOTOMY!  Then she whined and carried on.  If he wants to go, so be it.  I happen to be in the camp that thinks it’s straight up sadism, not to mention dangerous, to make him travel that distance so soon.  I did remind her that we ALL decided not to make plans until we know he’s okay and have a better idea of how well he tolerates the surgery as well as the initial healing period.  Selfish slunt.



7 thoughts on “Day 6: Stoicism

  1. His doctor won’t allow the move. Also, I believe he’s living with you, and that place is ‘home’ so, he will be AT HOME when he recovers. Have you ever used a mobility vehicle? I don’t have POTS but I get wibble vision because something is broken in my ear and my heart beat makes everything blurry and horrible. When I’m feeling very broken, I consider hiring a scooter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Exactly! The woman is only reasonable when the sun sets in the east.

      I have a wheelchair that I share with my parents. Right now it’s with them, but it’ll find it’s way back here in a few days. It’s tiring propelling myself around with my arms, but it’s definitely better than walking when the symptoms get bad. Of course, I get people who say “but you can walk….why aren’t you walking? How can you be that lazy?” Because I’m cool like that. That’s why. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      • Get someone to soup up that baby: attach and engine. I’ve been reading comments about Paralympic athletes who start of in chairs but stand up or similar to get in the water or get medals. I just think ‘Oh, fuck off, they can still whup you at the tennis/swimming’ they need the chair – no one wants one. I think that people view young, thin, seemingly healthy people in chairs in a more positive light than they do obese people on scooters. All you need to do is hang around with giant people in chairs and you’ll be golden.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I can see harpy being the one who says something snarky about the wheelchair. Harpy.
    If he wants to go? WTF? I can’t imagine him WANTING to go! I also can’t imagine the doctors allowing him to go. Because they are just stick in the muds. They are colluding against your mother-in-law. oh yeah.
    Again you really make me happy that I don’t have a mother-in-law.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, I’m sure! I’m thinking it won’t be until December that he can travel comfortably…or at least without swallowing 2 handfuls of painkillers. The surgeon said he must stay in the area for at least two and a half weeks for follow-up, and of course traveling that distance is not safe because of the risk of the incision splitting. I think he’ll do much better when they leave. He was stable during the two tests after his initial admission, then 3 days after the in-laws arrived, the artery was considerably more dilated. I call this proof that they’re bad for his/my health. Or, it could be coincidence. 😉

      If I play my cards right, I may not have a MIL for much longer. 😈

      Liked by 2 people

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