I’ve been crying way more often than usual. It’s mostly related to anxiety associated with what my mate is about to go through and by extension, what I’m currently going through and what will likely continue for entirely too long, my own health problems and fragile mental state not considered.
This isn’t the first time I’ve dropped him off at an APU for surgery, although the last time was on an area that’s a little less vital. I don’t think he’d appreciate me going into detail about that – but I will say I wasn’t the least bit nervous, and when the surgeon talked to me while MC was in recovery, I couldn’t help but laugh. I’m an asshole. After that surgery, he was supposed to return to work after 10 days, but ended up being off of work for a total of 14 business days (18 days of laying in bed, staring at boobs on his laptop). The fact that it took him so long to recover from such minor surgery (I mean, look at me…I was cleaning house within a week of my last surgery because I’m a dumbass) makes me worry much more about his recovery after something so major.
When it was just the two of us speaking with the cardiologists and surgeons, I was completely on board with him getting this shit fixed ASAP, though I would have preferred that it be done at the #1 cardiac surgery hospital in the US, but the government is stingy with their toys. In fact, the only anxiety I had was knowing that his parents would show up. Even if I were well enough to drive and take care of him for six weeks, I know they would have been here for at least a portion of the time anyhow, but no where near the eight weeks or longer that I’m looking at right now.
Am I worried about the surgery or the outcome? No, not really. It’s a complicated procedure, but statistically he should be just fine. I’m more worried about being around the woman who literally sucks the happiness and vitality out of me and being unable to hold it together when I’ll have no one there for me, except me. If I were actually alone, as in by myself, I’d be fine. Throw in a Harpy, and the psychic poles reverse. Complete chaos.
This is going to be an extremely difficult week.