After many many hours of internal conflict over my lack of presence at Manchild’s current prison, I decided to think like a man. He hasn’t said he misses me and he hasn’t asked me when I’m “coming down”. Since he hasn’t said anything, I can only assume he doesn’t care either way. His mommy feeds him, wipes his ass for him, and does all of his laundry, which means I’m not needed. I’m nothing more than a nuisance to these people anyhow. I might be able to let go of some of the guilt if my mom would quit asking me if he’s mad at me. I finally asked him and no, he’s not mad at all.
I’ve dated people with wonderful families who claimed me as one of their own. I was part of the family and they never made me feel like I was unwanted or a burden. MC’s family, minus the outcasts, are very closed off. I’m playing the long game, which is to say, I understand that this situation is temporary and if I can’t control my mouth, I shouldn’t be there to cause conflict. It’ll haunt me for years. He understands this and he appreciates my efforts. If I can be diplomatic while I’m attempting to yank the bitch off of her cloud of narcissism, then that’s cool. The problem is that I tend to go George Carlin on her when she gets her titties twisted over something stupid. She’s extremely ignorant. Ignorance alone doesn’t bother me much because I’m ignorant in many ways as well. It’s that she’s ignorant AND toxic.
Maybe I was feeling a little better about the situation and was beginning to feel like it’s okay to take care of myself, too. Subconsciously, however, this appears to not be the case.
I had a dream I was exiled to a different planet with a bunch of weirdos and societal dregs such as myself. This new planet was to be a fresh start for us – sort of a fucked up person’s utopia. This is cool. These are my kind of people. It’s nice to be around my people. I didn’t actually know any of them beforehand, but after a few days of introductions, I was exiled from exile because they all decided I’m an asshole who has nothing to contribute to this new community. Damn! There’s no place for me on Earth, and there’s no place for me on planet Fucked. Waaaaaah!
Outside of dreamworld, after the swamp in my lungs and sinuses started to clear, I got my shit together to visit MC for a couple of days. We’re both mutants and if I belong anywhere, it’s next to him watching cheesy action movies.