First off, let’s do a little exercise in imagination. Picture me standing on a coffee table with wild hair, screaming the F word at the top of my lungs.
That was fun, wasn’t it?
Oghey, back to reality. I’m screaming “fuck” in my mind. Fuck today. What the fuck, America? . What. The. Fuck.
Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the boy.
Today was his pre-surgical cardiac cath. Our arrival time was 6:30am and some idiot suggested we walk the three blocks from the hotel to the hospital. I’ve slept an average of two hours a night for the past week, so I was pretty perturbed that I had to figure out a way to hoof it without falling over. The cath went well and they were able to go in through the radial artery instead of the femoral artery. All vasculature looks good, but his stent wasn’t expanded properly on the lateral side, meaning it will have a short life before it has to be ballooned open again. They couldn’t even get that right. MCV IVs still make him push the call button 15 times to ask for lidocaine because it hurts him so bad. That’s just wrong. He must have nerves where nerves don’t belong. It’s difficult not to antagonize him about it. 😉
I had a conversation with this idiot yesterday about how it seems he was raised to believe he’s the most important person in his life and regarding the needs of others isn’t considered in his decisions, versus my humbling upbringing (putting it lightly). That’s to say, quit being a prick. I’ve been butting heads with him over his hurtful comments in reference to my issues. So, he’s stressed and scared which makes him less tolerant. I’m exhausted and feel more like triple shit at this point, so I’m less tolerant of intolerance. I can hate him later.
Pre-op fun today. It was patient education, anesthesia screening and a quick trip to the pharmacy for a tube of antibiotic ointment to snort.
I checked my Mom into her hotel for the week later this afternoon. I can’t believe how much crap she brought for a five day trip. I thought my pile of junk was out of control.
I’m now settled back in at my hotel room with manchild spending the last “normal” night with him for a while. I’m a complete and total wreck. I’ve spent the past two days crying off and on. I hurt for my husband, I hurt for my country, and I just plain HURT. I don’t know how I’ve got anything left in me to feel. I sure wish I didn’t.