In a little over a day, I’ll be in a two car convoy on the way back to my home. I’m so relieved this marathon through hell is coming to an end, though I won’t hold my breath that it’ll go the way I want or need it to.
Harpy has already begun having a separation anxiety panic attack and doesn’t think MC should be required to look after himself. He needs constant care and pampering. It was only after she made me promise to cook real food (including vegetables) for him that she flew back into her cave.
After psyching myself up and greatly looking forward to settling back into normal life, knowing that certain inconsiderate people change their minds on a whim, I’m also psyching myself out thinking I’ll never get rid of her. And if I make a promise, I should keep it.
I cooked everything from scratch for him from the time we got married until I was too sick and weak to stand. I couldn’t take care of myself because I used all of my sporks and then some taking care of him. If I cook for and take care of him, I don’t have anything left for myself.
Being around family has afforded me the opportunity to go to my family’s home for a few desperately needed days to recover. This may be the only reason I’m still over 100 pounds and haven’t been in the hospital every other week. Even so, I’m so tired and in so much pain from overexertion, there aren’t words that can accurately describe just how awful I feel. Tears are about all I can muster.
I’m ready for this to be over, but I know I’m the last person anyone in this family thinks about or listens to, if they even extend me the courtesy of acknowledging that I exist.
I obviously love MC a ton. Otherwise, I would have given up on him a long time ago when he felt entitled to a little side action. We took the time to work out our shit and repair our relationship. When it’s just the two of us, we’re a pretty damn awesome unit, but I will not let his parents dictate our lives. If he continues to do what’s “right for the family”, which also happens to be what’s wrong for our marriage, I’ll remove myself from the equation. I deserve better and I’m not saying this as a person who thinks highly of herself. Even a subhuman deserves better than this.