Squirrel Culling

While I was in Ohio and MC was in Florida in March/April of last year, the squirrels helped themselves to the wiring on my car that was parked in the driveway in Maryland.  I was livid, but fortunately the only place they chewed completely through was a marker light on the front driver’s side.  It could have been worse.

The entire year MC was out of country, I didn’t have a single problem with the little bastards.  Thinking back, I didn’t see them in our neighborhood all that often.  Apparently his return coincided with the neighbors across the street deciding to feed the squirrels, so now we’ve got a ton of them.  Fucking morons.  If you feed squirrels near your home, you’re asking for trouble.

We’ve been gone again for three months and it was assumed that the wiring on the truck was too old to be appetizing (they like the sweetness of the plastic coating on wires), so we left it as it was.  They didn’t seem to mess with it before we left.

I’ve decided these particular squirrels are just a bunch of assholes, because they DID eat the wiring in the truck and built a nest on top of the engine block.  They chewed the wiring to the coil pack, which means it’s running on 7 cylinders instead of 8, the ignition switch wiring, the thermostat wiring, and the water pump wiring.  Essentially, it’d cost more to fix than what the truck is worth.  I hate the truck and you may have guessed that I was secretly celebrating the news.

Just because the cost can’t be justified doesn’t mean that the money won’t be spent anyhow because MC is quite fond of his piece of shit truck.  The truck is in the shop and we’re setting live traps up all over our lot, hoping to catch and drown a few.  Yes, I said drown.  I won’t be there to witness it.  In fact, I told him I don’t even want to know when it happens.  As much as I hate squirrels, I couldn’t kill them.

I can call the housing office to ask about pest control, but as long as the neighbors are being fucktards and feeding the little fucks, it’d be a waste of time and resources.  I had considered discussing removing the squirrel feeder with them until I saw a trio of squirrels running into the wheel well of one of the vehicles parked in their driveway.  They can learn their lesson the hard way.

21 thoughts on “Squirrel Culling

  1. You have mean squirrels. We have a lot of squirrels around our house and I’ve never heard of anyone’s car being eaten.
    We also have a number of outdoor cats in our neighborhood, maybe they protect the cars. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Squirrels ate our loft and the interior and engine of my Dad’s vintage Aston Martin. We got rid of them by 1) trap in the loft 2) shooting them from the upstairs window. But the killer was actually when TfL (Transport for London) removed the trees at the end of the garden. When we brought down the loft trap, it had a brilliant mummified squirrel in it, it was holding one of the bars and stretching out it’s other claw through other bars while baring it’s teeth. Fuckers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • At our previous home, the squirrels would terrorize our dog so MC decided to start taking them out with a pellet gun. He hit one right in the belly that was perched on a branch. It crossed its little paws over it’s chest, then fell over and plopped onto the ground, Almost in slow-mo. It was all very theatrical for a rodent.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Everytime you write about squirrels i have a little chuckle … a. we don’t have squirrels here, so I’ve always thought they were cute little furr balls … like a cuter version of a kitten maybe … and thought we could do with one as a pet, b. squirrel, was the one word i could never say … yes, retarded i know … i still have trouble with it and have to say it slowly otherwise it comes out sounding like ‘skwirrr-reel’.

    As you describe them though, they sound annoying … but still cute 🙂 Soz LOL … but what about that truck though!! Sorted! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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