I’d like to be someone else for a while. Not just anyone, though. Someone who doesn’t suck.
This week was pretty typical in terms of life as a mutant. I was diagnosed with a heart thing (that I’ll elaborate on later when my brain isn’t porridge) and learned of the possibility that I may not have health insurance in six months. Oh well, right? It’s not like I’m itching to live any longer than I have to anyhow. MC said if he were me, he would have offed himself a long time ago. How nice for him. If I didn’t think about people other than myself, I probably would have done the same.
Beyond being pissed off at the world, myself, my situation, and my husband, I’m just…sad. I try to fill my time with things that keep my brain limber and also things that allow me to check out for a while, like binge-watching a TV series while knitting. What happens when I’m too worn down to do these things? When I sit and stare at a wall or a ceiling, trying to burn a hole through it with my eyes.
That’s when the real trouble begins.