Another dull “SSDD” post

I looked at my little calendar and guess what?  I haven’t seen the light of day as not filtered through a window in a month!  This is only slightly longer than usual.  If I didn’t have appointments, my inclination was to stay buried in my hidey-hole.  My safe place.  For four months, it wasn’t an option.  I was so burnt out on people, I was considering shipping myself to Kodiak and living with the grizzlies.

Now it’s people 24/7.  No privacy whatsoever.  My ass is on display when I need to air out and you know what?  It’s nice to not have to abide by the rules of normal society, where pants are required in order to interact with other humans.  Fuck pants.

Only abnormal humans would find any of what goes on with me each day the least bit interesting.  As weird as I am, I’m bored to death by it.  Same shit, different day.

Mr. Intensivist told me my transplant status was updated this morning, as UNOS requires updates every seven days.  This is based on current medical interventions that are keeping me “alive”.  My everythings are crossed with the hope that I drop off of the list altogether.  I took a survey to see how I’m REALLY doing yesterday by talking to all of my providers (because saying I feel fine doesn’t seem to work if it’s contradicted by clinical evidence to the contrary).  These aren’t the type of people who are into telling me what I want to hear, dagnabbit.

The poor RT crew is getting a complex.  My spirometer keeps making its way onto the floor.  Don’t ask me.  I’m pretty sure the boogeyman has something to do with it.  I’ve gone through four already.  I’m not even going to talk about PT because, well, I haven’t gotten that far yet.  My legs try to tear themselves in half with spasms after short walks.  Someone was finally ballsy enough to give me a spasmolytic and I am secretly worshipping this person.

By the time I saw the cardiologist, I was so tired of hearing “no” in regards to potential discharge that I told him I don’t care how many people he has to blow, I want out of here by Monday.  Oy.  I plea the 666th amendment (I’m not responsible for anything I say because methylprednisolone makes a devil out of me).  I’m a lion in a gladiator pit.

It’s worth mentioning that my guts, minus my stomach, are doing much better.  Ah, the bitch that is my stomach – it’s not emptying at all so I don’t have a free nostril to stick my finger up anymore.  Tubes.  Tubes everywhere.

The blips on my ecg require secret translation.  I keep seeing “R on T”, then when I ask wtf it means, they’re all like “oh, you were probably coughing or moving.”  Okay, fair enough.  That still doesn’t explain what it IS.  I want to know everything.  Hellooo, Google.

From medical-dictionary:

R-on-T phenomenon

“a cardiac event in which a ventricular stimulus causes premature depolarization of cells that have not completely re-polarized. It is noted on the electrocardiogram as a ventricular depolarization falling somewhere within a T wave. The R-on-T phenomenon may result in ventricular tachycardia or ventricular fibrillation.”

I understand that only presenting information that’s vital is the best way to keep us laypeople from freaking out, but consider me a member of a certain subset of laypeeps that feels better with the more she knows.  If it were an artifactual reading, then my frequent v-tach events must just come from the magical mists of arrhythmitopia.  

I’m sure they’re wishing they could knock me the fuck out by now.  Funny, I’m wishing for the same thing.  It’s easier to be a patient patient (or a patient with patience) while unconscious.  Be careful what I wish for, eh?  If you were to ask me how I’m doing, I’m of the opinion that I’m fine and dandy.  That’s the only opinion that matters, right?  Right?! πŸ˜‰

8 thoughts on “Another dull “SSDD” post

  1. I was just worrying about you yesterday. It’s good to see you posting again. I remember the sheer boredom of staring at the walls. Too sick to go home/too fine to not be bored AF. I stared at the walls for days on end with “Flowers On The Wall” stuck in my head. (It’s a country song…lol)

    I’m still coughing. Dr Lungs is still MIA. Oh! And my mom is coming in April.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve resorted to BuzzFeed quizzes. I’m an elemental wind unicorn. Who knew? πŸ˜†

      Is Mom visit a good thing? Family can be a pain in the ass, but I hope you enjoy your time together. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      • I always get something like “Intelligent but disorganized” or “you’re 22 and a 5’10 model”….lmao! Right.

        It is pretty good. She lives in Northern Cali so I haven’t seen her since she came when I was going through radiation. It’s just 8 days of a little crazy because she goes a million miles an hour if left to her own devices.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. wow, wow and Wt actual? Woman, you amaze me every time!!! You know when I read your posts, I spend half my time googling what your saying (the terminology!) and I still cant fathom it all … but I get the gist … its some fked up shit!!
    You deserve some kinda medal … on exit, do they give you one? You should quite possibly look into that during you’re ‘down time’ πŸ˜‰ And not some rusty tin thing … we talking gold plated titanium!!! xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Half of the words are made up to make it extra challenging! 😁

      I don’t know dude, I have yet to fully process any of this. I was just thinking the other day how nice it’d be to not be a godless savage, since faith is the sort of thing that seems to placate people during times of crisis. Instead, I’m mentally disassembling my biology. Dehumanizing and separating myself from the experience. I think we call that dissociating. πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

      • Ahhh dissasociation … where would we be without that ay! ‘Normal’?? Pfft.
        And us godless savages have the advantage I think … theres no sugar coating shit or reminiscing on the existence of the mortal coil … No … its just straight beast mode! But I do get the attraction of it sometimes.
        *you are the shizz … just remember that πŸ˜‰ *


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