It’s interesting that immediately upon waking, we often know that something bad is looming. Call it intuition, or a profound connection with the world around us. Specifically, a profound connection with the people in it.
Today I learned that a dear friend passed away. In my heart, I already knew she was gone, but I held onto the hope that I was wrong. I don’t yet know the circumstances surrounding her death. I find myself wondering if I had visited her when invited, would she still be with us? Would I have been able to do anything? In a way, I feel guilty. I know I’m not responsible, but I feel I could have done more for her.
I’m struggling with verbalizing my thoughts and feelings about this news. Nothing I say can possibly communicate what it is I’m feeling, other than to slap a label of “grief” on it and hope that it’s universally understood. I’m pretty worthless in the language department. At home, I’ve still got a scarf I crocheted for her neatly tied up and waiting to be mailed out (thanks to MC for dropping the ball on that).
I’m grateful I had the opportunity to get to know her – to laugh with her and cry with her. There’s no one else on Earth like Johnna and I miss her terribly.