Rending of heart

About two years ago, a person with the handle “painkills2” commented on one of my posts about my spiffy blue wheelchair rental.

And a magnetic bumper sticker that says: “Get the f*ck out of my way!” Although you’d probably have to wear it on your forehead, so people could see it and heed the message. 😀

And that was my introduction to one of the coolest, most brutally honest people I’ve met.

It’s interesting that immediately upon waking, we often know that something bad is looming.  Call it intuition, or a profound connection with the world around us.  Specifically, a profound connection with the people in it.

Today I learned that a dear friend passed away.  In my heart, I already knew she was gone, but I held onto the hope that I was wrong.  I don’t yet know the circumstances surrounding her death.  I find myself wondering if I had visited her when invited, would she still be with us?  Would I have been able to do anything?  In a way, I feel guilty.  I know I’m not responsible, but I feel I could have done more for her.

I’m struggling with verbalizing my thoughts and feelings about this news.  Nothing I say can possibly communicate what it is I’m feeling, other than to slap a label of “grief” on it and hope that it’s universally understood.  I’m pretty worthless in the language department.  At home, I’ve still got a scarf I crocheted for her neatly tied up and waiting to be mailed out (thanks to MC for dropping the ball on that).

I’m grateful I had the opportunity to get to know her – to laugh with her and cry with her.  There’s no one else on Earth like Johnna and I miss her terribly.

14 thoughts on “Rending of heart

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