The joy of venipuncture

Rejoice, for it is blood work day!

“Did you bring your veins today?”

“Go fish!”

Poke, poke, dig, wiggle…

“Whoops, sorry.”

Repeat 4 x

Call in the cranky old woman who never misses.

“Goddamn inept cuntoids.”

Poke, pop, dribble, pop, dribble, pop, dribble, snap.

“All done.”

One final warning…

Once word gets around about this little vein in my forearm that gushes like the Niagara, everyone wants to take a stab at it because waiting five minutes to fill a single vial is not the way to go.  Time is money, friends!  The thing about sticking the same vein over and over again is that it might destroy it.  That keg is kicked.

10 thoughts on “The joy of venipuncture

  1. Hints from a cranky old pediatric venipuncturist who has often pinch hit when the “adult” ones have struck out: the feet. There are usually lovely pristeen veins on the feet and ankles that readily give up their crimson treasure. (I wonder if the present breed of vampires is even permitted to do this, or if they are dialed down on the upper extremity. Do you know?)

    Is your AV shunt not operational?

    Liked by 1 person

    • It really is a waste of perfectly usable veins. I asked about feet long after they ran out of places to stick me. A doctor has to special order a foot draw. Could be a higher infection risk, or excessive bleeding… I don’t know. It’s dumb.

      No one touches my AV rig except the dialysis nurse. I’m a bit overprotective. 😉

      Like

  2. You take it in stride more than I do. They poke me way too much. I don’t have any good veins.
    Your bruise looks wicked. I bet it will soon be a nice shade of green, and yellow.
    I love you still have a sense of humor with all of this. You are inspiring….even if you don’t feel like it or want to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sounds like me. I have one really excellent vein in my right arm and I’m waiting for them to cry uncle on the scar tissue. Unless they hit that valve, I’m the easiest stick in the world.
    The backs of my hands on the …well, other hand…

    (btw, noticed the missing post now….I’m here for you. I don’t know what to say or do, and we have a lot in common….the most common word to describe me: strong. But I cry myself to sleep more than anyone knows. But I’m not above bringing my Dr Strange disc over and priming your feed feeder thingy and hanging out with you while we admire Benedict Cumberbatch and you “eat”! 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heh, feeder thingy. I hear “feed bag” and think ‘when did I turn into a horse?’

      That post was unintentionally published. I hit update without changing it to draft. That’s what happens when I use my phone as a computer.😏 I went with it, but based on the reactions it seemed to miscommunicate that I’m not getting any sort of help. That’s when it got tossed into the fuckit bucket (my very favorite bucket).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Butterfly needle? I ask for those specifically. The normal needle size is 21 gauge versus a butterfly’s 23, I think. If I’m lucky, normal needles don’t make my veins collapse or explode, but I’m rarely lucky. The lab techs are taught to use the largest needle possible because smaller gauge needles can cause damage to the blood cells (hemolysis) or clotting, which translates to false results and a repeat blood draw. Boooo.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thats what they call them here … but I don’t know what the gauge size is (which by the way sounds more like a gun lol). And not sure if they’d use them or large amounts of blood??? Me and my oldest girl and her babies, all have ‘difficult’ veins apparently; and especially my oldest moko … they absolutely butchered his veins / arms when he went in for casts … then some dear old nurse suggested one of the butterflies. I think the other is standard … be we are by no means, standard 😉
        The nursey that suggested them to me in the first place, said techs don’t like using them because they take a bit more time and a steadier hand … pfft, go figure. Hadn’t heard the ‘damage to cells’ theory though.

        Liked by 1 person

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