Idiot, be gone

Me prattling on about how awful Harpy is has likely made my poor friends apprehensive to listen to me anymore.  I’m a boring person.

Me:”Fuck.  Harpy is here.”

Them: *pretend your phone is broken, talk to Kara when the danger has passed*

I can’t say I blame them.  Rather than seeking advice from sane people, I’ve decided to make it a solo mission.

The first thing is going to seem like I’m nitpicking, and maybe I am.  If someone else were to do the same thing, for example my Mother, I doubt I’d get upset.  It’s the cumulative effect of dealing with tiny bits of Harpy bullshit over the past ten days that turned me into a passive-aggressive saboteur of the H-O-H.  

Our tap water is undrinkable as is.  I have a filter on the faucet that gets changed monthly and filter cartridges are not cheap.  I’ve asked Harpy repeatedly not to run hot water and wash dishes with the filter turned on.  Please, please, please flip it back to faucet.  The hot water wrecks the filter.  One would think after several times of being up my ass, er – in my house over the past two years, she’d figure this shit out.

Nope.  It doesn’t stick.  She ruined the current filter and while I was in the process of changing it, I thought for a second.  What if I just leave it empty and tell MC to use water out of the filter pitcher instead?  That’s exactly what I did.  Did I tell her that?  Not a chance.  She can drink the pure biological waste that comes out of the tap.  And she has been.  Even after removing the filter, she commented on how much better the water tastes when it “comes out of the filter hole”.

Haha, sucka!  She has no taste but we already knew that.

Second, she took MC’s truck to a Dodge dealership to get a repair priced.  She reported back and told me labor alone will be $900 plus a $250 part.  Then she commented that she wasn’t impressed with the dealership.  All of the people there were black, dreadlocked and it looked like they were the type to be selling drugs out of the place.

Uh…

Wow.  It makes me seethe with anger while I sit there and listen to that shit.  This time, I didn’t sit quietly.  I requested that she not talk like that around me because I find it deeply offensive.  I’m a difficult person to offend but there are certain things I will no longer tolerate.

Lastly, she’s giving me grief for not taking care of MC properly even knowing I spent the first two months of 2017 in the hospital.  “He’s getting too fat, you need to start cooking healthy food for him.”

Is MC 36 or is he a toddler?  Color me confused.

When I do try to cook, he refuses to eat leftovers.  I end up throwing 75% of it away.  I can’t force him to eat healthy any more than I can force him to turn off the porn and go to sleep at a reasonable hour.  

“Then perhaps he needs to be disciplined.”

What the fuck do you want me to do?  Bend his fat ass over my knee and whip him with a belt?  I’m not his Mom and I don’t want that job.  I can make respectful suggestions but I will not make demands because he digs his heels in and stops listening to me completely.  I congratulated her on raising a perpetual child and asked her to tell me who’s taking care of me?  Oh, that’s right.  I am.  That alone is a full-time fucking job.

She walked away and locked herself into the guest room until MC got home.  Was I out of bounds?  Doubtful.  I spoke the truth and the truth hurts, shugatits.

So, one full day left until she’s gone.  I might make it and I feel oddly satisfied that my desire to stab her in the face came out as words instead.

P.S. I did something so spiteful earlier in the week that even I’m ashamed of myself.  Luckily for my karma, it didn’t work out the way I had hoped.

12 thoughts on “Idiot, be gone

  1. Yuss!! Oh I live for this shit lol … the responses!! Beautifully done there friend ๐Ÿ™‚
    She’ll live … and so will You ๐Ÿ˜‰

    She sounds like a piece of work … and she’s lucky she lasted that long in your home!
    *Still LOLing at the “What the fuck do you want me to do? Bend his fat ass over my knee and whip him with a belt? “*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You can’t leave it like that! What did you do? Or tried to do. ๐Ÿ˜„
    I love you congratulating her for raising a child.
    Punish him? WTF?
    Deep breath….she’s leaving soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I *wish* I could just tell my MIL to go fuck herself! But she won’t come anywhere near me. Fine with me, I COULD NOT survive 10 days with her in my house. Some body would die, I’d have to figure out how to get blood out of my carpeting….

    Liked by 1 person

      • It’s just a weird situation. He is (sort of) in possession of his ball, but she hates me almost as much as I hate her so she does chit like call him in the middle of the day at work on his phone. The last time I saw her was when she invited herself to his retirement and did her best to ignore me the whole time. He ignored the situation, I threw a fit. It’s a thing.

        Liked by 1 person

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